Desperation
by Minna Miteite Kure
Summary: After the loss of his mother, Rei just isn't the same anymore... Kai will do anything to get him back. Mentions of depression and suicide, Tyson douchebagginess and eventual KaRe.
1. Grieving

I felt like writing something very depressing XD I'm too happy right now, so I need something to even up my mood!

Eventually, it'll KaRe, though there are some hints in this chapter. I tried to put in a slight touch of humour, and I mostly likely failed. In Kai's POV.

In _italics_ are Rei's thoughts.

I don't own. Enjoy!

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Desperation

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Grieving

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I could only stare from across the room at my dearest friend as he lied on the couch, an activity he had been doing very often for the last few weeks. He wasn't doing anything special, he wasn't reading a book, watching television or playing videogames, he was just doing... nothing. Just staring at the wall in front of him. His eyes were red and swollen from all the crying he had been doing lately.

I would lean against the doorway to the living room and stare at Rei. He would spend most of his days lying on the couch, or on his bed, covered with a blanket, crying. I couldn't bring myself to say something, the others couldn't either. I felt it was my job to help him; I was the leader after all. But I had no idea what to do.

Rei is one of my best friends. He's an incredibly kind, intelligent and giving person. He understood me better than anybody else. He was one of the rare people I could actually have a conversation with.

Now, he just wasn't the same anymore...

2 months ago, Rei lost his mother.

She had been struggling most of her life with depression. Ultimately, she took her own life. From what I was told by the people at her funeral, she was an incredible person also; Rei got his amazing qualities from her.

The whole Bladebreakers team went to the funeral in China. We all went to support Rei in this difficult process. That day, we all saw that something was broken in him. He didn't cry or say a word during the whole funeral, the ceremony and the burial. He had a blank expression on his face. I haven't seen his beautiful, radiant smile since the day before he got the grim news and I must say I miss it very much.

A few days after the burial, we all came back to Japan to train for the next world championships, but it simply wasn't the same anymore. Rei didn't want to train, he wouldn't cook for us like he used to, he wouldn't even want to get out of bed some days. He had no energy at all. All he would do is cry, in total silence. It was like Rei insisted on keeping his immense suffering to himself.

He almost stopped eating and lost a lot a weight. He looked like a ghost of himself.

Every time I would look at him, it broke my heart. Our team members tried talking to him, but he wouldn't answer. They thought he didn't listen, but I'm sure he did. Tyson was starting to be very mean to him. He would tell him things like "Get over yourself", "Life goes on", "You're just being dramatic", "Stop crying like a child". And I thought Tyson, out of all people, would understand what Rei was going through. Tyson had lost his mother as well, but he was very young when it happened and he probably doesn't remember. When he would be mean to Rei, I felt like grabbing him by his collar and punching him straight in the face.

Yeah, that's me, Kai. I talk with my fists. I couldn't find the skills, and, honestly, the strength, to talk. Just talk to him. Tell him how I feel. Help him...

So, I would just look while Rei was slowly destroying himself.

-----

It was dinner time and Hillary had cooked a meal for us. Her cooking wasn't nearly as good as Rei's, but nobody else would cook. Everybody but Rei was sitting around the table and eating in silence. After I ate my plate without much interest, I went to the kitchen to prepare an extra plate. I then walked back out into the dining room.

"He's not gonna eat it." Tyson said, with his loud, obnoxious, know-it-all voice.

"Maybe, but I'm still going to try." I answered, holding in the rage that idiot was giving me.

"I swear, he's anorexic! He looks like a skeleton!" Tyson chuckled.

"... It's not funny Tyson." Max said. "It's very serious."

"No, it's not Max. I'm sure all Rei wants is some attention and for people to notice him!"

"Just shut up, Tyson." I said, forcing myself yet again to not hit him as hard as I can.

I just walked on, ignoring Tyson's detestable voice and ignorant comments. Soon enough, I was standing in the living room. Rei was still there, lying on the couch, wrapped in a blanket. He hadn't moved from the couch since this morning. He was in the foetal position, so there was room on the couch for me to sit.

"Hi Rei." I said. "Hillary made stew. It's... actually decent. Do you want some?"

He simply shook his head, no. I looked down at the plate, resting on my lap. From what I know, he hasn't eaten in two days. Looking back at him, I felt helpless. His gaze hadn't left the same spot on the wall for quite some time. He seemed incredibly sad.

Hesitantly, I moved my hand towards him and put it on his shoulder. Lazily, Rei moved his shoulder away from my touch and I took back my hand.

_Don't touch me..._

As usual, I did nothing but look at him, as I sighed. I truly felt his pain. I didn't want anything more than to take away the pain.

_Don't look at me..._

"Rei..." I said. "I..." I didn't know how to say this. "You... You're... not well..."

_Don't talk to me..._

"I know sometimes I seem a bit cold. But I really am worried about you. I want to help."

_Go away._

It was like talking to a wall. He was completely ignoring me, blocking me off. I know he hears me, I just wish he would answer me. "Anyway... If you need someone to talk to, you can come to me. I'd be glad to listen." Still no answer. Sighing, I got up from the couch and walked back to the dining room.

The rest of the team was still there, eating their desert. Tyson had a smartass smirk on his face.

"So... how'd it go?" He said.

"Shut up." I was simply not in the mood for his crap.

"Not very responsive, eh? I swear, he's just like you now."

Yet again, I held him some pretty strong violent urges and continued to the kitchen. I put the stew back with the rest and put the plate in the dish washer. I saw what was left of the desert my companions were having. Brownies. Hillary might be a terrible cook, but she sure can bake. I helped myself to a piece. Smiling, I bit into it. Still warm. There's nothing like a brownie to make your problems disappear.

-----

After dinner, the boys decided to watch a movie. They all took over the living room, sitting on the armchairs, what was left of the sofa and the flour. Without a word, Rei made himself very small to leave as much room available on the couch. Max sat on the other side, leaving plenty of room between them. I didn't really know which one wanted to be away from the other. Probably a bit of both. I sat between them, right next to Rei.

"I want to watch Dodgeball." Tyson said, like the spoiled child he is.

"Not Dodgeball again..." Hillary whined. "We've seen it like 10 times!"

"So? That movie is awesome!"

"I must admit I'm not the biggest fan of this movie." Kenny said.

"Yeah, Tyson. It's a funny movie, but it gets old after a while..." Max added.

"But I want to watch it again!" Gosh, I want to punch him right now.

"I want to watch Twilight!" Hillary said.

"Hell no." That was from Max, Tyson and me. For once, we agree on something.

Shyly, Max turned to Rei.

"What do you want to watch, Rei?" Max asked.

Suddenly, all the eyes in the room turned to Rei. It was like an event: Somebody asked Rei a question, what is he going to answer? He was still staring straight ahead. Silently, he raised and lowered his shoulders. The room was silent for a moment, as it usually was in this situation. It was like everybody realized at the same time just how unwell their friend was and how they weren't doing anything and couldn't do anything...

"And mister gives us the silent treatment AGAIN." Tyson stated.

"Shut up." My usual response, as always.

After another long moment of awkward silence, I felt Rei shift next to me. Still wrapped in his blanket, he stood up. We all knew where he was going. It was 7 sharp. At 7, Rei goes to bed. He walked away from the living room. As he stepped out, Max spoke.

"Goodnight Rei..." Max said. But he didn't answer.

After Rei left, most of us weren't in the mood to watch a movie anymore. So, Tyson watched his stupid movie alone.

-----

Kenny, Max, Hillary and I left the living room to go to the dojo, where we all slept. After we came back from China, Rei started going to bed really early and some of us were worried we might bother him by going to bed later. So, he was given the guest room to sleep in. We all felt that he was going to be much better there. The bed is much more comfortable then the floor and he wouldn't be bothered by much noise. But I knew the real reason Rei was moved there, it's because nobody could bare to see him cry at night. Really, we were hypocrites. We had all convinced ourselves that this move was what was best for Rei, but really, it was best for us. Right now, Rei needs his friends more than ever before, and we pushed him away from us.

All four of us sat on our respective futons, yet again in an awkward silence. We all knew what we should be talking about, but none of us could muster the strength to bring it up.

I could see Max was getting very emotional. He cared for Rei very much. We all did but Max looked up to Rei. He was like his big brother to him. The blonde was struggling to hold in tears. He probably knew we didn't really need somebody else crying all the time.

"I'm scared for Rei." He said. Inside, I was glad I didn't have to start this conversation.

"Me too." Hillary said.

"That makes three of us." Kenny added. Okay, we're all worried about Rei, that's great.

"We need to do something about it." I said. Yay me for being constructive.

"But what? Every time I look at him, I feel so helpless! I don't know what to do!" Max answered, on the verge of tears. "He won't eat, won't sleep, cries all the time and won't talk to us anymore!"

"For starters, we should stop ignoring the problem." I said.

"We're not ignoring it." Hillary argued. "We're very much aware of it!"

"It's one thing to be aware of it. It's another to act on it. We just let him destroy himself. We should stop that. If he doesn't want to eat, then we insist. We don't just give up after one try. Who knows? Maybe, he's just waiting for us to insist a bit, to want to help him. Right now, he probably feels as if we don't really care."

"I see what you mean..." Kenny said. "It is true we don't do much."

"We can't force feed him, though. Or force him out of bed, or to train with us." Max said.

"No, but we can explain why he should eat, or get out of bed. We can express our concern, and maybe he'll understand we all care for him." They all seemed to think about what I just said. "So, do we all agree on this?" I asked.

"Yeah." Max said. "We'll insist now. It will probably be difficult, but it's the least we can do." The other two nodded in agreement.

"Great. Then, I would like to bring up the next order of business." I continued. "Tyson is a douchebag." My last statement created a lot of reaction amongst my friends, they were nodding and voicing their agreement.

"I really don't know why Tyson is so mean to him." Max said. "I don't know if he just doesn't understand the situation, or if he's really trying to be hurtful."

"Sometimes, when Tyson doesn't understand something, he becomes very aggressive." Kenny said. "It's probably just his reaction to not knowing what is wrong with his friend."

"And some of it is probably that Tyson is a complete idiot." Hillary added. I couldn't agree more.

"Anyway, we shouldn't let him say such mean stuff." I said. "I'm the only one telling him to stop and I wouldn't mind a bit of help." The other three nodded and agreed to help me.

-----

Later on in the evening, we all decided to go to bed, so we could train the next morning. Well, not all of us wanted to sleep. Tyson certainly didn't agree. He wanted to stay up all night and play videogames, but Max managed to convince him to go to sleep. We all got ready for bed and laid down on our futons. 5 minutes later, Tyson was snoring the night away. Judging by the speed he fell asleep, he would've surely been able to stay up all night... Right.

I was laying in my futon, but I couldn't close my eyes. I had some important matter on my mind I couldn't ignore.

Yes, I was thinking about Rei. Seeing him like he is right now is making me realize just how much I appreciate his old self...

He would wake up earlier then everybody else and make us breakfast. He always had the most beautiful smile in the morning. Even if you didn't sleep well, just seeing his smile would make you forget all your troubles. He always encouraged everybody during training. The food he cooked was always heavenly. The conversation we shared were meaningful...

Conversations... I was never really one for conversations. To me they seemed pretty useless. But now I realize just how truly important they were to me.

I miss his smile, the sound of his voice... I miss Rei.

I was experiencing feelings I had never known before. I... was truly sad... over Rei.

I sat up on my bed. I couldn't get Rei out of my head. I looked around the room. All my friends, and Tyson, were sleeping soundly. I stood up and walked out of the dojo, walking on my tiptoes discreetly, as to not wake the sleepers.

In the darkness, I made my way to the guest room. I thought the door might have been locked, but, to my surprise, when I turned the knob, the door opened. As silently as I possibly could, I opened the door and peeked in the room.

I knew Rei wouldn't be sleeping.

The inside of the room was almost covered in darkness, but the moonlight through the window made possible for me to see. Rei was lying on his bed, in the foetal position, covered by a ton of blankets. He was holding his pillow against his face.

He was crying, clenching his fists on his pillow, holding it to his face as hard as he could, as if he wanted to muffle his sobs. His body was shaking with each weep. His legs were moving to the beat of his sobs, losing themselves in the covers. He was moving lower and lower in his bed, under the covers, hiding his face in his pillow.

_I want to disappear. _

Soon enough, I couldn't see him anymore. All I could see was the small mass crying under the covers. Sometimes it would stop moving, as if he stopped breathing, before catching his breath and panting between sobs.

Slowly, I walked away and closed the door behind me. I leaned against the door for a moment, struggling to catch my breath. Seeing him like this was a very disturbing sight. I walked back to the dojo, trying not to start crying myself.

For the first time in my life, I'll admit I am scared.

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Thank you for reading and please review!!!!!!

Next chapter: PANCAKES!


	2. Patience

Hi guys! Thank you for all the nice reviews!

Don't own. Enjoy.

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Patience

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Soon enough, morning came. Needless to say, I didn't sleep very well. When I got up, it was outrageously early, even for me. It was 5 AM. Now, what does Kai Hiwatari do at 5 in the morning when he barely slept at all? He trains! What better time to go run a few laps than when the sun is barely up?

I like running. I know my teammates hate it when I make them run laps; they think it is pure torture. But I love it. Not only does it keep me in shape, it also lets me clear my thoughts and relax.

And I truly needed to clear my thoughts.

So I ran and I ran. I got to look at the gorgeous sunrise. For a moment I felt at peace.

An hour and a half later, I arrived back at Tyson's place. I felt better. I was calm and I knew what I had to do. Today was going to be a good day.

First thing I did when I got back was to take a shower, because I smelled very funky. I smelled of the good old smell of a sweaty man. After my shower, I felt even more determined and ready to tackle my day.

I walked to the kitchen and checked the time. It was 6:50. Time to make breakfast.

Yes, I, Kai Hiwatari, was going to make breakfast. Why? Because I make the best pancakes in the world. Last year, Rei got sick and he couldn't cook for a couple of days. So, one morning, I made pancakes, because nobody else would cook. Rei himself told me they were the best pancakes he had ever had.

And so I got to work. Mixing the precise quantities of ingredients, I prepared the batter. Then, I set the table. Next came the hard part: waking up my teammates.

I walked back to the dojo where they all slept soundly. Tyson's bed was all messed up and he was snoring very loudly. He's a terrible person to share a room with. He wakes me up all the time. I can't understand how Max, Kenny and Hillary can actually support that.

I woke Hillary and Kenny up first and then moved on to Max. He wasn't very grumpy in the morning, but he's a heavy sleeper. After shaking him and shouting at him, with Hillary's help, Max finally woke up. I then moved on to Tyson, followed by Kenny, Max and Hillary, because I was going to need all the help I could get.

It took us a good ten minutes of screaming, wrestling and whining, and then Tyson got up. I could just tell it by the look on his face; he was going to give me shit today. Heck, I'm ready for it.

I told them to go get ready for breakfast, while I would go face another difficult task.

I walked to Rei's room and stood in front of the door. I was starting to hate that door. Really, it wasn't the door's fault, I hated it just because it was there. It felt like this room had become Rei's hiding place. As I did a few hours ago, during the night, I turned the doorknob and it opened. This time, I opened it all the way.

I saw Rei, lost in the sheets of his bed, with his face stuffed in his pillow, probably awake already. I approached his bed and, as I walked, I realized I was shaking. No, I told myself, I am determined to face the obstacles today. I took of deep breath and found a spot to sit on on the bed. Rei didn't react.

Shyly, I pushed some bangs from his face. All I uncovered was part of his forehead. He moved his head up a bit and showed me one eye. It was red and swollen. He had large bags under his eyes. It looked as if he hadn't slept at all.

He probably hasn't.

I was speechless for a moment. He looked dead.

He hid his face in his pillow and turned around, away from me, ignoring me.

"R-rei..." I finally said. "I made breakfast. Would you care to join us?" He didn't say anything. I insisted. "Rei?" I reached out to grab his shoulder. Instantly, he moved out of my hold.

He seemed almost... aggressive.

"Rei... I'm sure you're hungry." It's been three days now...

_Go away._

"We would all love to have breakfast with you."

_I don't care._

"I... I would like that..."

_GO AWAY._

I reached out again to touch him. Suddenly, he snapped, turned around and gave the most aggressive, pissed off look I had ever gotten. I took my hand back. For a moment, I was scared he was going to bite me.

I got the message.

"O-okay... I'll come back later." I compromised. I walked out of the room, as Rei lied back down on his bed.

And I thought Tyson's death glare was bad...

-----

I walked back to the kitchen, a bit shaken by what had happened. My friends were all sitting around the table, waiting for their food.

"What took you so long?" Tyson whined. "I could've slept 5 more minutes, you know."

"I couldn't care less." I said. Bring it on Tyson, give me all you got.

"So, Rei won't get up?" He asked, with a smug look on his face.

"Oh, he's up alright. He just doesn't want to see your face."

"... I'm sure."

Satisfied, I walked to the stove to cook the pancakes. It took me a few minutes to make enough for all the people sitting at the table, including 10 pancakes for Tyson, because his stomach is an endless pit of doom. I served them all, receiving thanks from most of them. Then, I helped myself. After running for so long, I was quite hungry. I liked my pancakes with an insane amount of maple syrup, and that's how I ate them. And yet, Tyson still put more than me. Anyway, my pancakes were delicious, as always.

My friends also enjoyed the food. When they were done, I told them to go take their showers and get ready for a rigorous training session. Tyson bitched and moaned but I remained firm. I wasn't going to give in to his demands.

Once they had left, I went back to the kitchen. There was a bit a batter left and I prepared another plate of pancakes. I drowned the pancakes in maple syrup, because I know Rei likes it too. I then made my way back to Rei's room. Hopefully, he has calmed down by now. Nervous, I opened the accursed door again. Rei was hiding in his pillow and his covers again, motionless. I sat back down on his bed and put my pancakes on the night table.

"Rei?" I said.

He didn't waste any time. He turned around and gave me a nasty look. I felt intimidated, but I wasn't giving up this time.

"I made pancakes." When I said that, his expression softened up a bit. He turned to look at his breakfast, which was still sitting on the night stand. Suddenly, he seemed somewhat interested. He then lied back down on his bed, holding his stomach with a pained look on his face. His stomach let out an impressive growl. It was obvious to anybody that Rei was starving...

I might just be able to make this work...

I cut a piece of pancake with my fork and, with a napkin under so that it doesn't drip on the bed, I brought it up to Rei. "I know you like my pancakes..." I said. "They're warm and moist and drenched with my maple syrup, just like you like it..." As I said those words, Rei's stomach growled again. I'm sure it won't be long before he gives in to temptation.

"I know you want some..." I said.

I could only imagine what Rei's thoughts were. He must be debating over the dilemma. Eventually, Rei sat up slowly, without saying a word. I stared at his face for a moment. Rei had always been a good-looking guy, even I could admit that. But right now, he looked like a shadow of himself. I was slowly realizing how much I missed looking at his gorgeous face...

We were both silent for a moment. Rei was getting impatient. His eyes were set on the piece of pancake I was still holding. He moved forward a bit and opened his mouth.

I snapped out of my daze and moved my hand towards his face, until my fork met his mouth and he ate the piece of pancake.

Deep down, I felt very proud of myself.

Bite after bite, I fed Rei, until the entire plate was empty. I gave Rei a wide smile. I wanted him to know how happy I was he ate. He didn't seem so happy. The moment he was done eating he turned around, lied back down on his bed and curled up in a little ball, as usual.

"So... were my pancakes good?" I asked, hopeful. He nodded silently. I smiled to myself. "I'll make some more tomorrow. Would you like that?" He raised his shoulders.

_... I don't care._

I could feel he was much more distant now. I think he had enough...

_Please leave..._

I guess I have nothing to lose.

"Would you like to train with us today?" I asked.

Rei shook his head. He moved away from me, holding his pillow tight. I think he was done with me...

_Go away..._

I was a bit disappointed. But I did realize that he did some progress. I smiled again. "I'm really glad you ate Rei." I said. He didn't answer anything. I accepted that this was how it was going to end today.

Hesitantly, I moved my hand towards him. I wanted to hold him, or touch him, show him my gratitude through physical contact. I ended up clumsily patting his back. But he didn't reject me. I nodded to myself, got up, picked up the empty plate and the utensils and made my way out of the bedroom.

_Kai..._

I walked out the door and turned around to close it. But I stopped. I left it slightly open. I wanted the door to always be open.

-----

I walked to Tyson's yard, where we were going to train. Tyson, Max, Hillary and Kenny were all waiting for me outside, wearing training clothes. Tyson had his arms folded over his chest, tapping his feet on the ground, with an impatient look on his face.

"Are you going to spend the whole day wasting my time, Kai?" He asked. Strangely enough, I ask myself that question about him just about every day.

But, he won't bring me down. Today, I was victorious and I was proud. I gave him my proudest look, folding my arms on my chest as well.

"He ate." I said.

When I said those words, Max, Hillary and Kenny were all very happy; they cheered and clapped for me. "Good job, Kai!" Hillary said.

"Nobody cares!" Tyson shouted.

"Yeah, we do." Max said, looking back at Tyson with an annoyed look.

"It's a definite improvement!" Kenny said.

Tyson grumbled and shut his trap. We could finally get started.

-----

I made my dear friends train pretty hard for a few hours. They ran laps for 2 hours, did push-ups and sit-ups and played a few practice rounds of Beyblade. I let them have lunch in the middle of practice. Tyson whined the whole time. The others kept their complaints to themselves, but I know they wanted to complain. When we started training again after lunch, Max was losing his patience and he almost talked back to me, but he didn't. A bit before dinner, I let them stop. They were all tired and sore. And stinky. Most of my teammates took a shower and got changed. All of them, except for Tyson. After all, it was 'his home' and he could 'smell however he wanted'. Douchebag.

-----

Hillary got started on dinner. I walked to Rei's bedroom, to ask him if he wanted to have dinner with us. I saw the door was wide open, and the bed, empty. He was gone. I looked around the guest bathroom, but he wasn't there. I walked back to the kitchen, where Hillary was cooking. Max was helping her. "Guys, have you seen Rei?" I asked.

"Yeah, he's in the living room." Max answered.

"Should've figured so."

When we had lunch, I checked if Rei was in the living room, but he wasn't. Generally, if he's not out of his room by lunch time, he would spend the whole day in bed. I guess he was shaking things up today.

"What's for dinner?" I asked.

"Homemade mac and cheese." Hillary answered.

"Sweet." Maybe her cooking is going to be edible again tonight. She's getting better. "Thanks, guys." I added, as I left the kitchen.

I walked to the living room, and saw Rei lying on the couch with his blanket, staring at the wall, as usual. As I got closer to sit next to him, he made some room for me. "Hey, Rei. How are you?" I asked, with a wide smile.

He looked at me for a moment, and then stared back at the wall. He didn't say anything.

"Hillary's making homemade mac and cheese." I said. "I think it might actually be good. Do you want some? Maybe you could have dinner with us?" He shook his head. "Come on, it would be fun!" I added.

I heard him sigh as he turned around to look at me, with an annoyed look. I kept smiling. "Pretty please?" I insisted. Yes, I, Kai Hiwatari, just said 'pretty please'. He shook his head again. He was getting pissed now.

"It would all make us very happy." He turned around, resting his head on his hand, ignoring me completely. "Well... there'll be leftovers... if you want some later." I said. He looked away even further.

"Alright then." I said. "I'll talk to you later." I got up and walked back to the dining room. Tyson and Kenny were already sitting there, waiting for dinner. Tyson was tapping his finger on the table, impatient.

"Come on guys, I'm hungry!" Tyson shouted to Max and Hillary in the kitchen. "It's taking so long!"

"Shut up, Tyson." I said as I took place at the table. "If you're so hungry, you should make your own food." Tyson shut his trap for now, but surely, he'll give me more crap later.

-----

About half an hour later, dinner was ready. Max and Hillary served each of us. Max had also prepared a plate for Rei. Before he set it down at the empty place on the table, he turned to me.

"Is... is Rei going to eat?" Max asked.

"I don't think so." I answered. Tyson chuckled.

"Okay." Max quickly went back to the kitchen to leave the extra plate on the counter and came back to the dining room, sitting down in front of his plate.

We all ate silently. The whole time, Tyson had some damn cocky smile on his face. God I hate him.

"Max, did you really think Rei was going to eat with us?" He asked, as if it was a joke.

"...Not really. But I figured he ate this morning so..." Max answered.

"It wouldn't surprise me if Kai was lying about that."

Oh no, he didn't.

"Shut up." I said, once again. "If you have nothing good to say, shut up."

"I'm just saying that what you're doing is pretty useless. All he wants is attention. He won't let himself starve to death." He said.

"So, you're saying I should just ignore him and let him destroy himself?"

"Guys... Could we please not have this conversation?" Hillary intervened. But her request was ignored.

"Pretty much." Tyson continued. "It's pretty pathetic how you try so hard."

"Well, sorry if Rei is my friend and I care about his health and his safety."

"But, it's so unlike you. You're Kai Hiwatari, you don't care. When I'm sick, you don't give a shit-"

"That's because when you're 'sick', you're only pretending to be sick so you get attention!" I interrupted him.

"How's that different from what Rei's doing?"

"It's completely different!"

"HOW?"

"YOU'RE A COMPLETE NARCISSISTIC IDIOT! HE'S MY FRIEND, AND HE'S IN SERIOUS PAIN!"

"No, I'm not! And you're treating Rei differently! You're always treated him better than us! You probably have a thing for him-"

I couldn't hear another word from him. With all my strength, I threw my plate, which still contained some mac and cheese, straight on his face.

And it felt damn good.

Max, Kenny and Hillary were shocked and speechless. My plate fell from Tyson's face to the ground where it shattered into many pieces. His face was covered with pasta and gooey cheese. I got up from my seat and walked out of the room. On my way to the dojo, I walked by the living room, where Rei was still sitting on the couch. He was looking up to me with a very scared look and tears streaming down his face. He probably heard my and Tyson's conversation.

I had calmed down a bit but I could still feel I was very pissed. I probably looked scary. I didn't want him to be scared of me, but right now I couldn't control myself. Tyson just gave me such rage. I continued on my way to the dojo where I could relax a bit and regain control.

-----

I set down my futon quietly and then lied on it. I then covered my face with my hands and took a deep breath. I was so mad. Not only at Tyson because he was such a douche, but at myself also, because I let Tyson have such an effect on me. Just by saying such trivial things he could get a great reaction out of me, which speaks badly of my character.

Then, I thought of the words he said...

About how I treat Rei better than the others... and about how I probably 'have a thing for him'...

I don't think I have ever treated Rei better than anyone else. Rei had proved to me that he is mature and he earned my trust, that's all. Yes, I did get along better with him, simply because I have more in common with him than with the others. But, I made him work as hard as everybody else. The difference is he didn't complain about everything all the time, so it seemed that he wasn't working so hard.

And then, there's that other part.

I know Tyson was speaking out of his ass, and probably didn't believe a word of what he said.

I mean... There's no way I like Rei like that...

Right?

When I think of Rei as he was before his mother passed, back when he was happy and healthy, I must admit I feel strange. He had such a gorgeous smile, a beautiful face and absolutely stunning eyes. Now, he doesn't smile anymore, he is as pale and thin as death and his eyes constantly have a dull expression.

Yes, I did find him attractive. Anybody could admit that he was good looking. But, it wasn't just that...

There's something about him, the old him I mean.

He used to be so caring and kind and compassionate, just determined and confident. Every time he would walk in a room, he would light it up with his smile and his mere presence. He was simply amazing.

It was like I had a true connection with him, something I had never known with anybody else.

I was slowly beginning to realize to what extent I missed him...

And to what extent I care for him...

I wanted more than ever to have Rei back.

-----

The rest of the evening went by pretty uneventfully. I stayed on my futon for a couple of hours before Max, Hillary and Kenny joined me in the dojo. They did not speak a word to me and simply went to bed. I can understand. Everybody had a long and tiring day. I was realizing I was also very tired. I went to bed also.

Tyson spent the evening playing videogames and watching stupid movies.

At least, we got to sleep soundly this time.

-----

Wow. When I first started writing this chapter, I thought it would be much shorter than this. I guess I was inspired!

Thank you very much for reading and please do review!!!


	3. Memorandum Part 1

Hello again!

Don't own. Enjoy!

-----

Memorandum: Part 1

-----

I dreamt of Rei.

I had seen Rei in my dreams before. I tend to have wacky dreams and sometimes Rei would just randomly pop up in them. Just like many other people in my life, even Tyson.

But this dream was different. It wasn't funny at all.

It was like my dream had two parts. The first part, I did not dislike at all. Rei was back. Happy and absolutely beautiful. He was smiling, radiant. He was dancing with me. I was mesmerized. I was happy too. We kissed. We were happy.

The second part wasn't as good. He was dull, flat, gloomy, and pale. He was crying. All the time. He lied down.

And then he died.

I woke up. I was terrified. Absolutely terrified. I cried. I spent several minutes staring at the ceiling, paralyzed. I have never been this scared in my entire life. And I don't like it at all.

Slowly, I regained my breath. I picked up my watch, which I kept next to my futon, to check the time. 3:07 AM. That's a little too early even for me. I set my watch back down. I tried to sleep again, but I couldn't. I couldn't get the image out of my mind. The image of Rei... d-dead. I was still terrified. I got up. There was one thing I really wanted to do.

I walked out of dojo and, guiding myself by leaving my hand on the wall. Through the darkness, I made my way to where I wanted to go.

I found myself in front of the door. That door. It was closed. My hand was shaking as I touched the door knob. What would I find behind that door? What if... my dream was... real? No, silly Kai, that was just a dream. You have no reason to be scared. I held my breath as I opened the door. It took all my courage to look in. I knew I was exaggerating but I couldn't help myself.

I saw the familiar shape on the bed, rising and falling slowly, covered by blankets. The breathing was slow and calm, it soothed me. He almost seemed to be actually sleeping. I was glad. I felt so relieved. Not only was he not dead, but he was sleeping.

With a smile on my face, I walked back to the dojo, lied back down on my futon and slept. My mind was filled with different images in my mind.

Images from the good part of my dream...

They danced in my mind...

I had the best sleep of my life.

-----

I woke up again. Much later. I felt so relaxed and full of energy. Rarely in my life had I slept that well. I could still remember my dream. I was still shaken by the last part. Seeing that Rei was okay reassured me very much. I could push that part in the back of my mind and focus on the other one. The first part felt so good. I was in a very strange euphoric state.

By then I couldn't understand what those feelings meant. I just felt right. With a wide smile on my face, I got up, stretching. I picked up my watch and looked. 9:16 AM. I couldn't remember the last time I got up this late. I looked around the dojo. The only person still sleeping was Tyson. I would let him sleep today. I was in a good mood and besides it was too late now.

I walked to the dining room. Hillary, Max and Kenny were sitting at the table, enjoying their breakfast.

"Oh! Good morning Kai!" Max said, looking up from his plate.

"Good morning Max!" I answered.

"My, you seem to be in a good mood." Hillary stated.

"Yes, yes I am."

My friends looked at each other, smiling. "Glad to hear that, Kai." Kenny said.

"Would you like me to prepare breakfast for you?" Hillary offered.

"No, I'm good. Thank you very much." I answered. "I'm going to make some pancakes. Does anybody still have some room for some?"

"I do!" Max cheered. "Your pancakes are good!" "I know." I said.

I moved to the kitchen, prepared the batter and cooked pancakes. One plate for Max, one for me and one for Rei. I served Max, who was very thankful, and then I grabbed the other two plates. I said goodbye to my friends, still sitting at the table. I then walked back to Rei's room. Somehow, I managed to open the door even if both my hands were full.

I felt happy. I couldn't wait to see Rei. He slept! Surely, he'll be in a good mood today. Just like me.

When I got in, Rei was crying, face first on his pillow. My smile disappeared. It was like I couldn't realize that this was normal. I walked towards him, setting down a plate on the night stand. I sat next to him, putting the other plate on my lap. Worried, I placed my hand on his shoulder, through the thick blanket.

"What's wrong Rei-"

The moment my hand touched him, he snapped. He slapped my hand away from him. In the shock of the moment, the plate on my lap fell to the floor, shattering and splattering on the carpet. He hid his face back in the pillow and resumed crying.

_DON'T TOUCH ME. _

I could only stare at him with a dumb look on my face. I couldn't process why he reacted like that.

"... Rei..." I said. "M-my pancakes..." I was very hurt by what he just did. "Why did you do that? I only wanted to have breakfast with you." He didn't say anything. Hesitantly, I moved my hand again to his shoulder. He quickly turned around and gave me a threatening look, baring his teeth. I took my hand back.

_GO AWAY._

He looked like an animal.

He lied back down on his pillow and cried. "Rei..." I said. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to scare you or anything." I wanted him to forgive me. I wanted him to say it was okay. But he said nothing. I haven't heard his voice in two months...

"Say something Rei." I asked. This was followed by a long painful minute of silence.

"Please Rei..." I insisted. But I knew it was no use. I could only look at him for a while before I finally gave up. I picked up the small mat that was on the floor in front of the bed, on which his plate fell, as well as my own plate. But at the last moment, I decided to leave it there. Who knew? Maybe he would eat them after I was gone. I wasn't hungry anymore anyway.

-----

I had lost my smile now. I have trouble grasping what happened to me this morning. It was like the first part of my dream had been real. I was on my little cloud of happiness until I realized that it actually was the second part that was much closer to reality. But now I was back to reality. And I liked my fantasy much more.

I was in the laundry room. I had thrown out the pieces of the plate as well as my pancakes and I was now in the process of removing the maple syrup stains from the mat. I wasn't putting much energy into this. Right now I didn't feel too good. I didn't feel like doing anything.

It was like I was turning into Rei.

Rei...

The images of the first part of my dream still haunted me. He was so beautiful and happy. My heart ached as I thought of him. I want him back so bad. And the most beautiful image of them all came to my mind.

We kissed.

It had felt so real, as if I could feel his soft lips on mine. I wanted that part to be true...

I was slowly beginning to realize just what this meant.

And yet I was much calmer than I thought I would be.

I'm in love with Rei.

That statement made so much sense to me, as if it was evident. As if it was the truth. I took a moment to take a deep breath. I'm in love with Rei...

How could I have not seen this before? It's so obvious. I had the absolute most perfect guy on the planet right in front of me for the last 3 years and I didn't do anything. I felt incredibly stupid. I could be with him right now and be so happy.

But wait...

What if he didn't love me back?

For a moment, it had seemed so clear to me, how I should be with him, that I didn't even notice that he might not want this. Is he even into me? Is he even into guys? ...Wait. I'm into guys. I'm gay? Holy crap, I'm gay.

My head was spinning from all the thoughts running through my mind.

But one thing was clear.

I had to get Rei back.

-----

I finished my chore and then left the laundry room. I took my shower and changed. My feelings were very mixed, I was a bit confused. I walked to the dining room where Max, Kenny and Hillary were still sitting.

"How did it go?" Kenny asked.

"Not well." I answered, as I sat down.

"What happened?" Hillary added.

"He was crying, he didn't want to eat, he knocked my plate on the ground. I was a total idiot."

"It's not your fault." Max said. "Honestly, I didn't think he would eat two days in a row."

"I swear, dishes are flying these days." Hillary pondered. My friends chuckled at the statement.

"I was trying not to laugh yesterday, when you threw your plate in Tyson's face." Max said.

"He deserved it." I said, bitter.

"I know, but it might not have been the best way to give him what he deserves." Kenny said.

"Yeah, that poor plate did nothing to deserve this." Max joked. I couldn't help but smile. "I couldn't finish my plate." Max said, referring to the plate of pancakes in front of him. "Do you want it?"

It was almost lunch time. But I was very hungry. "Sure, I'll take it." Max passed the plate and I ate.

"You know, Kai..." Hillary said. "I admire you for what you're doing for Rei."

"Yeah me too." Max said. "I don't think I would have the strength to do what you're doing for him."

"I agree." Kenny added. "You're an amazing friend, Kai."

I looked up from my plate and looked at them, my mouth full of pancakes. They all had wide smiles on their face. I was touched by their words. I guess I am doing something good...

"Thank guys." I said, after having swallowed.

"I'm sure you'll get him back." Hillary said.

I hope so, I truly hope so...

-----

My friends' words inspired me. I was doing progress and I was doing something good. I was losing hope sometimes; it felt as if every time I took a step forward I took two steps back. But I wasn't. There were simply a lot of steps to take. I must keep going, until all the steps have been taken, until I get Rei back.

I had an idea. I knew Rei listened, but he wouldn't answer. Maybe if I wrote him a letter, he would be more comfortable answering me in a letter.

I grabbed a piece of paper, a pen and something to write on. I made my way outside.

It might not do much. But I had nothing to lose. Honestly, it would do me good also. I've never been much of a writer. When I have something to say to somebody, I say it face to face. I don't write for myself either. But there were things I wanted to tell Rei that I couldn't tell him face to face...

I sat under a tree. The scenery in Tyson's backyard is stunning. It was also pretty quiet, I would mostly likely not be bothered.

I set myself up and began writing.

"_Dear Rei,_"No, that doesn't sound right... "_My dear Rei,_" No, that sounds too possessive... "_Dearest Rei,_" No... that's not good either.

Wow... this is going to be more complicated than I thought.

-----

Man, this chapter is really long. I'll make it a two-part chapter. I'm almost done with part 2!

Please review!


	4. Memorandum Part 2

Here's the second part of chapter 3!

Don't own. Enjoy!

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Memorandum: Part 2

-----

A couple of hours later, I was done. At least, I hope I was... It had taken me so long, because I couldn't find the words, the perfect words to tell him what I have to say. I looked down at the letter I had taken so long to write. I reread it one more time, to make sure it was just right.

"_Dear Rei,_

_We've been friends for 3 years. We have gone through a lot. I have grown very close to you, closer than to anybody else. You're a wonderful friend to me and to the rest of the team. We all care for you very much. _

_In the last 2 months, you haven't been doing too well. You have stopped talking to us, you don't sleep or eat much anymore. You don't have a lot of energy, you cry a lot, you seem very sad and depressed. We are all worried about you._

_I know everything changed when you lost your mother. I can understand there is no greater pain than losing a parent. I know you're going through a lot. But I don't think you should go through this alone. You're an incredibly strong person but even you need support from your friends._

_Even I need support from my friends._

_In the last year, you have been trying very hard to make me open up. I'm never been much of a talker, and I hold a lot of things inside. I know you didn't like that very much. You wanted to be my friend, you wanted me to tell you everything, but I never did. _

_And now, our situations have changed. You're now the one who's closing up and I am the one hurt, looking from afar. _

_In the last few days, I have realized just how much I miss my closest friend, my teammate, my confident, you. I know it won't be easy, but I want the old you back. We all do. I'm sure you want your old self back too. You're not happy right now._

_And I want you to be happy._

_There are things that I want you to tell me, just like there were things you wanted me to tell you._

_You've asked several times about my family, and I never answered. It's something I don't really want to talk about. But I will share my history with you. Because I know now just how important you are and how I don't want to keep anything from you, just like I want you to not keep anything from me._

_I don't know much about my mother. My father has shown me pictures of her. She disappeared when I was just a baby. My father was wonderful. He loved to play with me when I was a child. My grandfather thought that his son was acting like a child and couldn't possibly raise me properly. He decided to take me under his wing and I never saw my father again._

_I know I'm not saying much, but I'm not really ready to share details just yet. I can't understand exactly what you're going through, but I can relate. I've been sad a lot too in the last few years. With the help of my friend, especially you, I've been doing much better. I wish I could help you just like you helped me._

_There are many other things I would like to share with you._

_Maybe you need more time for yourself. I can understand that. But you shouldn't be alone too long. Whenever you're ready, please come to me. I will help you the best I can, and will get help for you if you need it. _

_Rei, you are very important to me. I want you to be happy and healthy. I want you back in my life. I want you to know I care._

_Get better,_

_Your friend, Kai."_

I felt it was too short, it didn't say enough. And yet it was the best I could do. It was like whatever I wrote, it would never be good enough to express what I have to say. I guess this is better than nothing. I couldn't believe it took me so long and I couldn't do better than that. I reread it for the billionth time. I blushed madly when I read that line, "_There are many other things I would like to share with you_." I don't know if that line should even be in there. I'm not sure I would be ready to tell him about those other things just yet. I might just scare him off.

"What's that, Kai?"

I jumped when I heard the voice and held the letter against my chest to hide it. I looked up and saw Max.

"It's n-nothing." I answered.

"Oh, I'm sure it's something!" Max said, playfully.

I blushed. I had a hard time believing I was actually embarrassed by this. I was like a school girl who wrote a love letter for her secret crush and wouldn't let her friend read it.

"Is it a poem?" Max asked.

Oh hell no, I wouldn't sink that low.

"No, it's not." I said.

"Then, what is it?" He insisted.

"It's... it's none of your business."

Max smiled. "Alright then. I was just wondering if you wanted to have a late lunch. We had lunch an hour ago, but you seemed busy, so we didn't want to bother you. Hillary offered to make a little something for you."

I smiled back. "Sure, I could eat a little something." Max went back into the house. I took a moment to neatly fold the letter and write in big letters 'For Rei' on top of it. I then placed it in my pocket, trying not to damage it too much. I followed Max into the house.

-----

I then had lunch. Hillary, Kenny and Max sat at the table with me, keeping me company. As I was eating, somebody else entered in the room. It wasn't somebody I particularly wanted to see. Tyson, still in his pyjamas and half asleep, entered into the kitchen, ignoring us completely, opened the fridge door and took a gulp of milk straight from the carton.

"Use a bloody glass." I said, irritated.

"It's my milk carton, I'll do whatever I want with it." Tyson answered.

"You're a pig."

As the argument developed, Max, Kenny and Hillary were getting tensed. They were hoping we wouldn't be getting into this so fast.

"Well, you're the one throwing food at people." Tyson said. I could feel the animosity in his voice. I smiled as images of yesterday night came to my mind. I chuckled. "What's so funny?" Tyson asked. He walked into the dining room and stared at me, his arms folded over his chest. I looked back at him.

"Your face is funny." I answered.

"Whatever man." He turned to Hillary. "Make me something to eat, will ya?" Hillary looked at him with a displeased look.

"What? No! Make your own food!" She answered.

"But, I'm going to set the kitchen on fire!" He whined.

"Still, I don't want to cook for you." Hillary said.

"I'll cook you a little something." I said, jokingly.

"Hell no. You're going to spit in my food." Tyson said.

Damn right I am.

"Just make yourself a sandwich." Max intervened. "If you can manage to set the kitchen on fire while preparing a sandwich, you really fail."

Tyson grunted, unhappy. "You guys suck..." He complained, under his breath. He walked back to the kitchen and prepared his own lunch, like any other boy his age would.

-----

Tyson used to be alright. Really, he was. He was kind and funny. He's always been obnoxious and loud, but it wasn't as bad. He was actually somewhat nice.

I had a hard time determining when the change had occurred. I think it started when he was becoming successful in Beyblade. People were paying attention to him and praising him all the time. He probably craved that attention and wanted everybody to look at him and nobody else.

Rei paid a lot of attention to him. He would praise him a lot and do many things for him, like cooking or cleaning. Rei had taken a motherly role to Tyson.

Two months ago, when Rei changed, two things happened to Tyson.

First of all, he wasn't the center of attention anymore. We were worried about Rei now and not about him. Even at Rei's mother's funeral, Tyson was being a bitch. He was irritated that he wasn't the center of attention. At a funeral... Seriously, what the hell?

Secondly, he had lost somebody that was like a mother figure to him. Rei wasn't cooking for him, cleaning for him, caring for him or paying attention to him. Maybe to Tyson it was like losing his mother again. His way of reacting, instead of being sad, is to be mad and angry.

Honestly, Tyson was the least of my problems. I had never gotten along that well with him. Hopefully, Max, Hillary and Kenny will be able to eventually change his attitude and make him realize that somebody else needs the attention, that his friend needs his attention.

-----

After Tyson ate his stupid sandwich, I decided it was finally time for some training. We were very late in the schedule I had planned for today.

"Go get changed. We're going to train." I said.

"WHAT?" Tyson shouted. "But it's so late! It's almost dinner time! We can't start training now!"

"Tyson... it's only 2 o'clock." Max said. "We have plenty of time."

"But... but... AAARGH! I don't want to train!!! Why do you make us train all the time?"

"Maybe because we're professional athletes, Tyson." I answered, doing my best to keep my calm. "We need to train to be in shape."

"Whatever, man." He said. He stood and walked out of the dining room, obviously pissed.

"Wow. This is going to be a bitch." Max said.

"Yup, we have another fun day of training ahead." Kenny added.

Max, Kenny and Hillary got up and followed Tyson to the dojo to get changed. I had something to do...

-----

I walked to Rei's bedroom yet again. The door was still closed. He was still in there. It was past lunch, so he would not come out for the rest of the day. I could only guess that those days he didn't come out were the worst.

I remembered what happened this morning and I didn't dare open that door. I stood there for a minute, wondering what to do. I took what I had been keeping in my pocket for the last hour or so. I looked at it. This simple piece of paper meant a lot. It contained a very important message, a very personal message... I have never written something this personal.

I took a deep breath. I was very nervous.

I kneeled down, holding the piece of paper in my hand. I pushed it under the door, not all the way through so I could still see it, praying Rei would find it and take the time to read it.

-----

I walked to the yard where Max, Kenny and Hillary were waiting for me.

"Where's Tyson?" I asked.

"He's not ready yet." Max answered.

"Let me guess... He's going to take his sweet time."

"He was really pissed too." Kenny said.

"He's always pissed. He'll get over himself."

We waited for him for a few minutes, before Mister Granger finally walked in, gracing us with his presence. We all stared at him as he walked in. We weren't very happy we had to wait this long.

"What?!" He asked, irritated. "Stop looking at me!"

Without wasting any more time, we started training. The whole time, Tyson made sure it was unbearable for me. He wanted to take breaks every 10 minutes, he would fake falling down while running laps, so he could sit down, he didn't try very hard and he whined and whined and whined...

After a couple of hours, I couldn't handle it anymore. I had asked everybody to do push ups. Tyson did a couple and then sat down on the floor and started massaging his calf, with a pained look on his face. I walked towards him.

"What is it Tyson?" I asked, irritated.

"I stretched a muscle. It hurts." He whined, yet again.

I was doing my best not to lose my patience and yell at him. "I'm sure you'll be fine, Tyson. Please continue your training."

"But it hurts!"

"I'm sure it doesn't hurt that much Tyson. It'll go away as you work out."

"No! It'll hurt more! I have to take a break."

"You took a break 20 minutes ago."

"Well, I need another break!"

"No. You do not."

"Kai! How can you do this? I'm in pain!"

Oh, I knew where this was going.

"Tyson. Listen to me. I will not take any more of your crap. Shut up and train please."

I walked away. Max, Kenny and Hillary were looking at us.

"I'm sure if it was Rei who was hurt, you would let him take a break." He said.

God, I hate him.

"Probably yes." I answered, turning around. "Because I know if Rei tells me he hurt himself, he is saying the truth. You, on the other hand, are full of bullshit."

"I'm not full of bullshit! Why can't you treat me like you treat the others?"

"The others deserve to be treated well, you don't."

"God, Kai, I hate you so much!"

"Tyson, stop." Max intervened. "That's enough. Just listen to him please."

"Why is everybody against me? This is so unfair!"

"Tyson, we're not against you. We just want to train in peace." Hillary said.

Tyson was getting very angry. He growled and got up. He walked away. He walked back into his house and closed the sliding door, obviously pissed. Weirdly enough, he could walk just fine.

-----

After Tyson left, I wasn't in the mood for training anymore. I dismissed the other three and went out for a walk. Hopefully, it would help me calm down a little. I walked along the river, where we often went to train or have a picnic. I liked this place, it's calm and beautiful. I enjoyed the solitude. It gave me some time to think.

I hope Rei will read my letter. I was a bit worried that Rei would just ignore my letter or throw it out. The Rei I know would take the time to read it. He had this philosophy that if somebody took the time to do something for him, he would take the time to appreciate it. But now I don't know...

I just hope he at least takes it from under his door, so it doesn't just stay there. I really don't want Tyson, or anybody else to find it and read it.

I sighed. Today had been a hell of a day. I had realized some very important things... When I thought about my newly discovered feelings for Rei, I was still confused.

This morning, it had felt like it was so evident, like there was no way it wasn't true. But now, I'm not sure...

Is it really love? What is love anyway? I have never been in love before, so I don't know what it is.

I do know I care for Rei very much.

I do know I want him to be happy.

Images from my dream came to my mind again. I kissed Rei. As I thought of that, my heart skipped a beat, I blushed. As if my body was saying "Yes, I want to do that. Yes, it's right." But my mind wasn't sure.

And now, I couldn't get Rei out of my head. As I walked home, I thought of him. And smiled.

-----

We then had dinner. We were all very silent. I could feel a strange tension between Max and Tyson. Hillary later explained to me that Max had confronted Tyson about his attitude, and he didn't like it too much. Apparently, their argument got pretty heated. I couldn't imagine Max getting mad at anybody. After all, he had been close to Tyson for quite some time now and they had always gotten along well.

At least for once, I wasn't Tyson's problem...

-----

After dinner I helped Hillary with the dishes. We then joined Kenny and Max in the living room. Tyson had run off to his room after desert to play videogames and sulk in his corner. The atmosphere was pretty dull. We all had a long day and we were all tired.

I smiled to myself. I felt like being nice for once. I went back to the kitchen and made some popcorn. When I came back, my friends knew something was up. But they were smiling again.

We spent the rest of the evening watching movies, playing videogames and laughing.

Yeah, I laughed a little bit too.

-----

It was getting late and we decided to go to bed. As my friends got ready for bed, I walked to Rei's room for the last time today. I was a bit nervous.

The first thing I checked when I stepped up to the closed door was if the letter was still waiting under the door. And it wasn't. Either Rei had taken it or somebody else did. The thought of Tyson having found the letter and reading it in his room while laughing his ass off crossed my mind.

Now, I was really nervous.

I decided to check in just to make. Cracking open the door as silently as I could, I peeked in.

I saw Rei, sitting on his bed. His eyes were very red. I think he might have cried all day.

He was reading my letter.

I took a moment to try to decipher his facial expression, but it was blank, completely blank.

I turned around, silently closing the door behind me. He was reading it. I sighed in relief and then realized what this truly meant. Remembering all the things I had written in there, I got nervous again.

What would he think of what I wrote? Would he make fun of me? No, Rei is not that kind of person.

What if he rejects me?

...

I shouldn't think that. I'm sure it's going to be fine...

...Right?

-----

Then, I went to bed. Even if I slept so long this morning, I was very tired. I lied in my futon for an hour or two, unable to even close my eyes, because I had so many things to think about.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.

-----

There you go! I was almost done with this for the last week, but I never had time to finish. Sorry if it took a while!

Please review!!!


	5. Contact Part 1

Hello! It's been a while!

Don't own. Enjoy!

-----

Contact: Part 1

-----

Yet again, morning came. Just like every other day. The sun rises and I open my eyes. Most of the time I wake up with a headache and my muscles ache also. The first few steps I take are always painful, but the pain goes away. The sleepiness generally goes away fast. My body understands that even if I didn't sleep much, I had a whole day to go through and that it really shouldn't complain.

But this morning, my body was feeling bitchy. I could barely keep my eyes open, I couldn't walk straight. My headache wasn't a headache, it was a migraine. Somehow, I made my way to the kitchen. All could I think about was a good cup of coffee.

Clumsily, I set up the coffee machine and waited. I looked around the kitchen and I noticed that somebody had put water to boil in the boiler, on the counter on the other side of the kitchen. It seemed extremely familiar.

Before everything changed, Rei and I would always be the first two to get up in the morning. Most of the time he woke up before me and he would make himself tea. Often, I would come in the kitchen and be greeted by the whistling of the boiler, indicating that the water was ready.

I stared at the boiler as my coffee started dripping. Soon enough, it started whistling.

Normally, Rei would walk in at that exact moment and prepare his tea. While the water would boil, he would do chores, take care of some laundry or clean something up. And when the boiler would whistle, he would drop whatever he was doing and come to the kitchen, where I would often be preparing my cup of coffee.

I came out of my daydream and walked to the boiler. If the water was ready, it shouldn't be on. I reached out to turn it off, when I heard footsteps.

My heart skipped a beat. Could it be?

I turned around and my eyes met Rei's as he slowly walked into the kitchen.

I could only stare, my hand was still hanging in mid-air, and my heart was beating like crazy.

Rei's up...

He was still pale, thin and tired-looking but he was up.

He stood in front of me, staring back at me for a moment, before he looked away, embarrassed. He moved in front of the boiler and turned it off. I took a few steps back to give him some space.

Say something, Kai. Say something.

"Good morning." I said. Good job, Kai.

_Good morning, Kai._

He said nothing. But it's alright.

He took out his favourite teapot from the cupboard. It hadn't been used in two months so it was bit dusty. He took a moment to rinse it in the sink and then walked back to the boiler. He placed an infuser with green tea leaves in it inside the teapot and then poured hot water in.

I was mesmerized. Rei was there. I felt all warm inside. I could only see his back, but he was beautiful... My eyes wandered over his frame and stared at his gorgeous hair as it followed his every movement.

When he was done pouring his water, Rei turned to me and looked at me with a strange look. Oh his eyes... When he looks at me, it's like the sun is rising.

Then Rei pointed to something behind me. I snapped out of my daze and looked at where he was pointing. I saw the coffee machine. My coffee was ready and the machine was beeping a regular, annoying beep. I quickly turned off the machine and the beep ceased. I turn back at Rei, but the sunshine was gone. He had his back to me. He covered his teapot with a tea cozy to let it steep for a minute. He walked to another cupboard and took out a cup for his tea.

Again, he gave me a strange look, but I was happy I got to look at his face.

He just stared at me for a moment, with a questioning look. I didn't know what it was for, I was happy I could just stare back.

And then I realized the coffee pot was just sitting there, full. He's probably wondering why I'm not preparing my cup of coffee. I'm not, simply because it would imply me turning around and not being able to look at him.

Rei looked away and made his way out of the kitchen. My eyes followed him as he did. My whole self almost followed, but I decided against it.

That was part of our old morning routine. When Rei was done preparing his tea, he would let it sit on the counter for a few minutes and go back to his chores. I wonder if he's really doing chores right now... I hope not, he shouldn't strain himself.

I took out my favourite mug from the same cupboard Rei had taken his teacup out of. I poured coffee in it and fixed it just like I like it. A little bit of milk and some sugar. I left the sugar and the milk out, next to the teapot, because I knew Rei would have some.

I took my cup of coffee and went to the dining room. I sat down at the table and took a sip. It was still burning hot so I decided to let it cool off for a while.

After a minute, I heard footsteps back in the kitchen. I cursed myself. Why did I have to sit with my back facing the doorway to the kitchen? I can't look at Rei while he prepares his tea. I figured it would be very weird if I randomly scooted over to the other side of the table just so I could stare at him. I'm sure he would notice and think I'm crazy. So I decided to just wait.

I just hope he's going to sit with me to drink his tea and not bring it with him to his room to drink it there. That would suck.

Please make it so that he sits with me.

After a while, I heard him walking towards the dining room. He seemed very uncertain. And suddenly he stopped. I turned around. He was standing in the doorway, holding his teacup, looking away, embarrassed.

_I don't want to bother you..._

I looked at him and gave him a wide smile, trying to be as inviting as I possibly could. Finally, he walked to the table and sat in front of me, setting down his teacup.

I was so happy he was sitting with me. It had been so long since we last sat together and had our cup of tea or coffee.

He was looking down at his tea, running his finger around the rim of the cup. He seemed very pensive. I wanted to start a conversation but I didn't know what to say. Really, I wanted to ask him about my letter but I didn't dare.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked.

He looked up and raised his shoulders. Not too bad, I guess. Mechanically, I brought my cup of coffee to my lips and took a sip.

And then I realized that it was still really hot. I set my cup back on the table. I muffled a nasty swear and waited as the pain went away. Great, my tongue was burnt. Rei was looking straight at me with his eyes wide open, worried.

"I'm alright." I said. "It's still a bit hot."

He looked back down to his cup and for a moment I thought I saw a little smile on his face. He brought his cup to his lips. His tea was still hot too so he blew on it for moment.

I stared at his lips as he blew on his tea. If we were to kiss, his lips would be in a similar position. His lips are so beautiful...

He took a sip of his tea and set the cup back on the table. There was a droplet of tea hanging from his lips and he licked it off. I blushed when I saw his tongue out of his mouth for a fraction of a second. When he raised his eyes back at me, I did my best not to look funny...

I looked down at my own cup, picked it up and blew on it. Finally, I took a sip of coffee that didn't burn my tongue. Ah, coffee... I love coffee.

What do I love more than coffee? Coffee with Rei.

I set my mug back down. I looked at Rei. And he looked at me. We didn't say anything and it felt a bit awkward, but I didn't mind. His eyes were staring straight into mine. He was so close too, just on the other side of the table. I probably had a big dumb smile on my face. But I didn't care.

Rei looked away. He opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, but closed it right away, remaining silent. Oh, how I wish he would talk to me... That would truly make my day.

"Rei-" As I said that, it looked like he wanted to speak again. I quickly shut my mouth to let him speak, but then he stopped.

"Go ahead." I insisted. He shook his head no and looked away, embarrassed.

_I'm sorry..._

I just couldn't figure out what he had to say. The atmosphere was getting tensed between us, because I kept waiting for him to say something but he remained dead silent. I needed to say something.

"Are you hungry?" I asked. "I'll make you whatever you want."

He looked up to me and gave a small smile. It was barely perceivable, but it was there, I could tell. He nodded.

"What would you like?" I asked, though I'm sure I already knew the answer. He raised his shoulders.

_You know..._

"Pancakes?" I offered. He looked at me with a smile and nodded. I smiled back.

I got up, took my mug with me, and walked to the kitchen. As I was taking out the needed ingredients, I was cursing myself under my breath. I was very happy to cook for Rei, but he was way over there in the dining room. He was too far away from me.

I measured the flour, the milk and everything else and dumped it all in a large bowl, taking a sip of coffee every once in a while. As I did, I heard somebody walk in. I stopped what I was doing and stared as Rei took out a pan from the cupboard and walked to the oven. He looked back at me and gave me a small smile. His teacup was sitting next to the oven.

As I put the finishing touches on the batter, he took out the butter, plates, and a spatula and turned on a range. He waited as the pan heated up and then I handed him the batter. After a moment of hesitation, he grabbed it. He melted some butter in the pan and then poured batter in. I was standing next to him. As he waited for the pancake to cook, I got to look at him all I wanted.

He had a content look on his face. He always loved cooking and hasn't cooked in two months. Certainly, he missed it. Expertly, he flipped the pancake and let the other side cook.

I stared at his gorgeous face... Mechanically, I moved closer to him. My mind wandered. I wanted nothing more than to flip him around, pin him against the counter and ravage his lips with my own. My hand made its way to his back, but I stopped before I touched him, taking my hand back. My heart was beating wildly and my breathing was irregular. I had to regain control before Rei...

...notices... He was staring right at me with wide eyes. I turned away for a moment. When I calmed myself down, I turned back around. He was still looked at me with a worried face.

_Kai... Are you okay? _

"Sorry about that..." I said. "I... hum... am a bit tired..." Worst excuse ever.

-----

After a few minutes, Rei had flipped enough pancakes for the both of us and we walked back to the dining room to eat our breakfast.

I took my time and savoured every bite. It had been two months since I had eaten something Rei had made. And it was so good. Even better than when I make them myself.

Rei was eating at the speed of light. I guess he was very hungry. I wasn't halfway done with my plate and he was done with his.

After he was done eating, his attitude changed. He was staring at his empty dish and he didn't seem to be in a good mood anymore.

"Do you want some more?" I offered. He looked at me with a sad look and shook his head.

"Are you okay?" I asked, worried. He looked down and shook his head again.

"What's wrong?" He didn't answer and tears came to his eyes. I set down the fork I was holding, got up and walked to him. He looked up to me; his eyes were full of tears. I opened my arms, offering him a hug. He hesitated for a moment, but, as he started crying he got up and accepted my hug. He cried on my shoulder as I held him.

Holding Rei in my arms felt amazing. His chest was against mine. I moved my hand around his back before putting it on his head, stroking his hair. It was incredibly soft, just as I had imagined.

He cried on my shoulder for a minute and then tried to break away from me. Reluctantly, I let him out of my hold, promising myself that one day I would hold him again, for as long as I wanted. Rei took a step back. He seemed a bit confused.

_I'm sorry..._

He turned around and walked away, still crying. As he walked out of the room, I didn't know what to do. Should I follow him or not? After a couple of minutes, I still hadn't taken a decision and I felt it was too late. I sat back down at the table and instantly regretted my choice. I should've followed him. But then again, maybe he wanted to be alone, maybe he would have rejected me.

So I just sat there, wondering how it would have been had I followed him. I guess I'll never know.

I wasn't very hungry anymore. Looking at the food Rei had prepared, I knew I couldn't just let it sit there. So I ate it.

-----

I decided to let the guys have a day off and I trained on my own. When Kenny, Hillary and Max woke up, they each came to say "Good morning" and I said "Good Morning" back. I didn't know what mood to be in. Quite frankly, I have not known how I should feel for quite some time. This morning was certainly amazing, but each time I see Rei break down in front of me, it kills me inside a little more.

I went for a run for an hour or two and practiced Beyblading on my own. When it was almost lunch time, I stopped, took the time to take a shower and then joined the guys who were hanging out in the living room. They all seemed very grateful to have a day off.

"When I got up, he was out of his room." I said to my friends. "We had breakfast together."

"Really?!" Hillary said. "That's amazing!"

"It's wonderful!" Max added. "How was he?"

"He seemed alright for the most of it. But then, he started crying again and went back to his room. Then, he didn't seem too good."

"Well... I guess it's still an improvement." Kenny said.

"Yeah..."

After our conversation, Hillary prepared lunch. As she, Max, Kenny and I were enjoying our meal, Tyson walked in, still in his pyjamas. "Good morning." He said.

None of us were in a hurry to answer him but finally Hillary did. "Good morning, Tyson." She said. "No, I'm not making you something to eat."

"Hey! I didn't ask for anything." Tyson said.

"But you were going to ask." Max said.

"Shut up Max! You have no idea of what I was going to do!" Tyson walked into the kitchen and made himself a sandwich, before joining us at the table. I must admit I was a bit surprised that he sat with us, as none of us were particularly happy of his presence, and it showed.

"So what are our plans for today, Kai?" Tyson asked, between two bites.

"I decided that today would be a day off." I answered, curious as to why Tyson cared.

"Really? What's the occasion?"

"Well, Max, Kenny and Hillary have been working hard, so they deserve a break. And I have no intention of training you alone."

"Alright then! I certainly don't mind!" Tyson said. I'm sure he doesn't.

-----

Yet again, this is a very long chapter ^^' Stay tuned for Part 2!

Please, pretty please, review!!!


	6. Contact Part 2

Here's part 2 of Chapter 4!

Don't own. Enjoy!

-----

Contact: Part 2

-----

I didn't know what to do for the rest of the day. There were so many chores nobody had done for the last few weeks, because we were all lazy and expected somebody else to do it. I guess somebody has to do it, and that somebody might as well be me.

For a few hours, I vacuumed, did the laundry, cleaned up the bathroom, and more. And then, I thought, Rei used to do that almost every day. I felt bad. I did help him more than the others did but he still did most of the job. I promised to myself that if ever Rei came back, I would help him all the time.

As I did my chores, I passed by his door a few times. I don't know if it was conscious or not, though it probably was. Every time I went by, the door was still closed and it was still dead silent. Every time I would pass by again, I would hope that the door would be open, that Rei would come out or give me a sign that I could come in. But I never dared.

I wondered if he was ever going to reply to my letter. He doesn't have too. What's important is that he reads it and understands my message. But I certainly wouldn't mind getting a reply. I haven't heard from him in two months...

Max, Kenny and Hillary helped me out a bit. I appreciated their participation. I found it odd that everybody but Tyson was cleaning _his_ house. From what I know Mr. Douchebag spent the whole day in his room sleeping or playing videogames.

Around dinner time, we were done cleaning and we decided to prepare dinner together. All 4 of us pitched in and we prepared a delicious feast. As we sat down to eat dinner, Tyson walked in, still in his PJs at 6 PM. He smelled bad. He sat down and helped himself to the dinner we had prepared. Max seemed very displeased.

"You know, Tyson, all 4 of us worked very hard on this meal." The blond said, obviously irritated.

"So?" Tyson answered, with his mouth full.

"I'm just saying..." Max turned around, he didn't want to get into an argument.

"He's just saying you could try to be thankful." I said. I saw Tyson roll his eyes.

What had set out to be a nice dinner in good company turned into a very awkward, irritating meal. Tyson ate at the speed of light and when he was done, he got up to go back to his room.

"Where do you think you're going?" Max asked.

"Hey, don't talk to me like that, you're not my mother." Tyson answered.

"Clean up your plate, nobody will do it for you." Max was getting very annoyed.

"Sure, nobody never does anything for me..." He muttered under his breath, but everybody heard him. Then, he gave me an accusing look.

"Well, maybe if you didn't act like such a douchebag and did something for us for a change, we might do something for you!" Max said. I was about to defend myself but Max had spoken first. I let it go, I didn't really wish to get involved.

"Do you really want to repeat yesterday's events Max?" Tyson asked, with a threatening look.

"No, but it seems you want to." Then, there was silence. They stared at each other with very angry looks. Kenny and Hillary became tensed, they truly did not wish for conflict.

"Guys-" I tried to intervene. But it was too late. Tyson had pounced on Max, hitting him in the face. I reacted very quickly and caught Tyson, pulling him away from Max, who was lying on the ground, shaken by the hit. Tyson was fighting in my hold, he wasn't quite done with Max or even with me, but he wasn't going anywhere. I held him until he calmed down. Kenny and Hillary helped Max get up. That was going to leave a mark...

-----

That's when dinner ended. Tyson went to his room to sulk. Max sat on the couch in the living room, holding a bag full of ice next to his eye. Hillary seemed to have found new confidence. She walked, very determined, to Tyson's room. I didn't know how that was going to end, but that's their business.

Kenny and I joined Max in the living room.

"How are you doing, Max?" Kenny asked, as we sat.

"I'm alright." Max answered. "Hopefully it won't swell up too much."

Then, there was an awkward silence.

"It's like this is all going downhill." Max finally broke the silence. "Straight to hell."

"I know." I said. "There's hope. Rei's doing better."

"Yeah, but it might be too late. I honestly didn't think that we would last this long without Rei."

"It's true, he held us all together." Kenny added.

"I don't know if we can wait much longer." Max continued. "I really don't want to be around Tyson anymore. And this is his house."

"... Don't tell me you want to leave." I asked. I was almost scared to ask.

"No, I don't." Max answered as he fixed his bag of ice. "But I don't know how much more I can take of this. We're not getting anything done, and Tyson is a prick. He hit me. I'm not going to stay much longer if all I get is hit in the face by a guy I thought was my friend."

Wow. I had just realized to what extent Rei's condition was affecting the whole team. I had been mostly focusing on Rei, I hadn't realized... just how much the team relied on Rei. For the last two months, we had only been pulling apart.

"I don't want this to end. I don't think anybody does, not even Tyson." Max continued. "But this needs to change."

"Hopefully Hillary will be able to carry this point across to Tyson." Kenny said.

I could only imagine what was going on between Hillary and Tyson, the conversation was probably pretty heated. When Hillary gets angry, she can be quite scary.

-----

Max went to the dojo to rest a bit, while Kenny and I cleaned the table where all of our plates were still waiting. As we were washing the dishes, Hillary walked in. She seemed very irritated to say the least.

"How did it go?" I asked her as she walked in.

"Bad." She answered, as she put away the dishes I had washed and Kenny had dried. "He was acting like a big BABY the whole time!"

"And you're surprised?"

"No, not really. I just wanted to talk to him! He wouldn't even open his door! So, I tried to talk to him while I was outside the room and he told me to get lost!"

"That's typical Tyson." Kenny added, also exasperated.

"How's Max?" Hillary asked.

"He's alright. He might have a black eye, or something. He's resting." I answered.

"I can't believe Tyson hit him..."

"Me neither..." Kenny said.

"We should all head to bed early. We're going to train tomorrow." I said.

Hillary and Kenny nodded. We finished washing and putting away the dishes and we got ready for bed.

-----

Before going to bed, I decided to check up on Rei. I didn't invite him to join us to dinner because I wouldn't think he would be in the mood and I was really glad I didn't invite him. I don't think he would have liked this dinner to be his first dinner with his friends in two months... Really, tonight Rei was better off in his room.

I walked to his bedroom. I remembered what had happened this morning and I smiled. This morning had been very nice. Who knows, maybe I'll get to have breakfast with him again. I wish I could have breakfast with him every day.

The first thing I noticed when I arrived at his bedroom was the piece of paper under the door. My heart skipped a beat. Is that my letter or is it a reply? It has to be a reply... I bent down to pick it up. On the top of it, it said 'For Kai' in Rei's clean, sharp handwriting.

Oh God, it is a reply.

I didn't know what to do anymore. Should I still walk in to check up on him? He might be sleeping right now. Maybe, if he had needed anything he would have walked out... I should probably accept his letter and not insist to get more contact. It might seem strange...

I walked to the living room, holding the mysterious piece of paper, my heart beating wildly. I sat down on the couch, staring at Rei's letter. I was scared to open it. I wanted to know, I was scared to know. Exactly what I was scared of I didn't know. Really I did, I just can't admit it to myself. I didn't want my worst fears to be confirmed...

I held my breath as I unfolded Rei's letter... And I read.

"_Dear Kai,_

_I'm sorry I make you worry so much... I don't really know what to say, where to start. Your letter has made me think a lot. The things I thought about I don't want to face, but I know I have to face them someday._

_No, I am not well. I don't want to talk. I'm tired, but I can't sleep. I'm not hungry. I am sad and I cry. I want it to stop, but then I don't. I don't know what I want really._

_I'm very glad you want to open up to me. I always wanted you to open up to me; I wished you would tell what made you angry and sad. I thought you didn't like me very much, because I was bothering you all the time... It makes me angry that you are ready now, but I can't be there for you. I truly wish I could, but I don't think I have the strength. Like you said, I am not that strong. _

_I would love for you to tell me about your family. I understand you have gone through a lot. I see you can relate to what I'm going through but you can't really understand it. I'm not ready to explain it just yet. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to share it with you or anybody else. _

_But I understand you're there for me, Kai. And I thank you. In the last few days, you have brought me some peace and calm. I'm glad you keep trying to reach to me, even if sometimes I can be very mean and aggressive. I don't know why I act like that. It's like I can't control myself. This morning was nice. I left because I felt bad I was so mean to you. I didn't think I deserved your kindness and your company._

_I felt very good in your embrace... I've been cold, but you were very warm._

_I don't know if I need more time alone. I'm tired of being alone but I don't want to be with others. _

_It hurts a lot... I hurt all the time. I want the pain to end, but I don't know if I can go back. I know you want the old Rei back and so do I, but I don't know if he's still there... When my mother left, it's like he left with her, I left with her. _

_Kai, you are very important to me too. Your words were very kind and showed me you cared. I know you care and you're there for me. I don't know if I'm ready to accept your help just yet. I don't know... I'm very confused and lost and sacred..._

_Thank you for everything, Kai._

_Your friend, Rei."_

I reread it. And then I reread it again. This was the first news I got from Rei in two months. I could tell Rei had erased again and again, the paper was very dirty and gray. It was like two sides of him had written at the same time and couldn't get along. In one half of the letter, Rei was thankful, calm and almost seemed to be more worried about me. And in the other, he was frightened, panicking, lost. It wasn't quite as bad as I had expected. The way Rei wrote I felt he was holding back. He probably wants to scream and cry on paper, but Rei, as he always has, keeps in inside.

It broke my heart to read that Rei thought I didn't like him very much. I've always liked him; I was just a prick who couldn't show affection and appreciation for others. Maybe I still can't, but I'm willing to try...

"_I felt very good in your embrace... I've been cold, but you were very warm."_

I'll hold you anytime...

-----

I hid the letter in my things and went to bed. I could not sleep. I had too much to think about.

The words repeated in my head. Every time I found new meaning. And it scared me. I had wished this letter would have given me some answers, given me some clues as to what I should do to help, but it only served to confuse me further. He was confused also...

I wish I knew what to do...

I hate not having all the answers.

Maybe a sleepless night to think will help me find the answers I need.

-----

Thank you for reading!

Thank you to my regular reviewers, you guys always make me very happy!

Keep the reviews coming!


	7. Realization

OMG! An update! It's summer so I have time to write a little :3

I still don't own. Enjoy!

Realization

I got up, but it's not like I ever went to sleep. I could not sleep no matter how hard I tried. I have had my fair share of sleepless nights, but this one was certainly one of my worst, if not the worst. At around 5 AM, I gave up and stood up, stretching the sleep or lack thereof from my body. I took a long, warm shower, a much longer shower than anyone should ever take. Tyson tends to take showers that go on forever. The shower I took this morning could rival even Tyson's. The water was relaxing. I think I might have fallen asleep in the shower for a moment.

The warm water felt good against my sore muscles. For the time I spent in the shower, I thought. As if I hadn't thought enough last night. I tried to clear my thoughts, so I could focus on the day, on what I have to do. Though Rei might not want my help just now, he needs it and I must do my best to help him.

After my shower, I walked to the kitchen and prepared some coffee. I had hoped that maybe, just maybe, Rei would be making tea, but I realized it was still very early. I was alone in the kitchen, it was much too silent. When my coffee was ready, I helped myself to a mug and walked to the dining room, where I sat and drank in silence. Even though it would be silent if Rei was here, at least I would be with him. I would get to look at his still beautiful face...

My heart ached when I thought of him. I was scared. I couldn't bear to lose him. I regretted all those years when I was so cold and mean to him, enough for him to think I don't like him... I felt like such a jerk. I hope it's not too late.

A couple of hours later, Max, Kenny and Hillary got up and joined me in the kitchen. Hillary prepared breakfast and we ate. I was very sad and my friends noticed. "Are you okay, Kai?" Max asked me, worried.

I didn't know if I should tell them he wrote me a letter. Surely, they would be happy he contacted me, but they would not be happy of the contents of the letter. I didn't want to worry them further. "I didn't sleep too well. I'm fine." I said. They did not seem satisfied.

"Are we training today?" Kenny asked. "Yeah." I answered. Surely some exercise will make me feel better.

"Should we wake Tyson up?" Hillary asked, hesitantly. Max seemed uneasy. He had a black eye already and probably didn't want another one. "No. I don't want to deal with him today." Max seemed relieved but still pensive. We quickly finished our breakfast and got changed to train.

I trained my friends until lunch. I didn't work them so hard, as we were all tired. It was actually nice enough without Tyson's constant whining. At lunch time, we took a break. Hillary prepared some food for us and while she did, I decided to check up on Rei. He wasn't in the living room and his bedroom door was still closed. I guess he won't be coming out today. It broke my heart to know he was on the other side of the door, but still so far away. I wasn't sure if I should come in. I ultimately decided against it, as I figured if he needed me, he would come to me.

Tyson was also nowhere to be found. I guess he would also stay in his bedroom for the rest of the day. I couldn't help but feel bad for him too. Surely, he was hurting too.

It crossed my mind that perhaps I should try to talk to him. I sighed. Sometimes, I just looked for trouble. I knocked on his door. "Go away!" Tyson shouted from the other side of the door. "Tyson, I just want to talk." I answered. "You're the last person I want to talk to! You're just gonna blame me for everything!" His voice was shaking. "I'm not going to blame you. I just what to know what's going on. I'm worried about you." "No, you're not! You hate me! You only care about Rei!" "I care about you too. You're just aggressive and I don't know how to deal with you. I think we need to talk."

There was a moment of silence and finally, Tyson opened his door. He was looking at the floor, ashamed. He had cried. "Thanks." I said. I walked into his dirty, smelly room. We sat on his bed. He was defensive, with his arms folded over his chest, looking away. "What is it?" He asked. "You tell me." I answered. "Why are you acting like this?" "I don't know." Tyson said quickly.

"You know, what you say about Rei is very mean." I said. "He might not answer, but he listens and I'm sure it's very hurtful."

"I don't care." He said, even though he had a guilty look on his face.

"I know you care." I said. "You care about Rei very much, as much as we all do." Tyson was silent and tears became to flow from his eyes. "What's wrong with Rei?" He asked. "He's not well, Tyson. He's not healthy and needs our help. We need to work together. I know it's scary." Tyson was getting very emotional. "You understand your reactions are not helping?" He nodded silently. "Kai, I'm scared..." "I know Tyson. But you have to stop acting like that, okay?" "I'll try..." "That's all I'm asking."

"When will he get better?" Tyson asked, finally looking at me. "I don't know, Tyson. I might take a while and it'll be difficult. But Rei needs all the help he can get, okay?" He nodded again.

"Tyson... I would really appreciate if you would go apologize to Max for hitting him." I asked him, hopeful. For a second, he looked like his old stubborn self, before he took a deep breath. "Okay."

I couldn't believe how well that went. He was probably getting tired of acting like a jerk. We walked back to the dining room where Max, Kenny and Hillary were eating lunch. When we walked in, they all turned to Tyson with accusing looks on their faces. He became defensive again and almost walked back, but I caught him before he left. "Max, I think Tyson has something to tell you." I said, as Tyson spun back around slowly. He looked straight at Max and saw his black eye. Tyson was ashamed. "I'm... I'm sorry, Max." He finally said, holding back tears.

Max smiled at him. "It's okay, Tyson." Max was quick to forgive. "Guys... I'm sorry for acting like such a jerk." Tyson continued. "I just... I... I don't know why... but... yeah..." He couldn't explain it. "Will it change now?" Hillary asked, not quite trusting the transformation just yet. "Yeah... I'll try." He answered. Suddenly, the atmosphere seemed much more relaxed.

We had lunch together and it was actually nice.

I had a hard time believing Tyson was so quick to change. I'm sure he understood he was being an idiot, but he was too proud to admit it and change. But, now he had swallowed his pride and hopefully things would only get better from here.

After lunch, we trained some more. Though I'm sure the temptation was strong, Tyson actually managed to not bitch the whole time. Yet again, I didn't work them so hard so it wasn't so bad. We had fun together, like we used to, though it wasn't quite like the old times. There was still someone missing...

Around dinner time, we stopped training. Hillary prepared dinner and we ate together. We had a good time. The small moment of happiness of being able to eat without conflict was much appreciated, but the underlying worry for Rei still affected everyone.

Tyson wasn't eating like a pig and actually helped us cleani the table and the dishes afterwards. However, he was silent and still seemed a bit uncomfortable. Hopefully, he will be back to his jolly old self soon enough.

After dinner, we all moved to the living room, where we watched a movie we actually all agreed upon, though I'm sure Tyson compromised. We had a good time, chatting like we used to. Tyson and Max seemed to have patched things up. I knew they wouldn't be mad at each other for long. They had been close friends for much too long.

I was too preoccupied with Rei. I hadn't seen him all day. I was beginning to wonder if waiting for him to come to me was the right thing to do. Maybe he's waiting for me to go to him. I promised myself to go see him before going to bed.

After the movie, Tyson himself suggested that we should all go to bed early so we could train. I couldn't believe he actually said that. The others agreed and got ready for bed. I had something to do.

Hesitantly, I walked to Rei's bedroom, not quite sure what to expect. The corridor was dark, except for a dim light coming from Rei's bedroom. The door was open. I noticed the small timid frame walking out of the room. Rei was wrapped in his blanket. As he walked into the corridor, he saw me, stopped and we stared at each other. He had been crying. He looked gorgeous in the dim light. He took a step towards but stopped, wrapping his arms around himself, looking down. I walked to him, feeling terrible to see him looking so sad. I regretted not checking up on him earlier. It seemed as if he was mad at me... "Rei, are you okay?" I asked, though of course I knew the answer.

Rei was about to cry again. I moved close to him and offered him a hug, which he accepted. He cried silently on my shoulder. I almost justified my not coming to see him earlier, by telling him I had expected him to come to me, but I shut up, figuring it would not help. "I'm sorry, Rei." I said. He just hugged me. I rubbed his back and held him until his crying ceased. He pulled away from me and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards his room. I followed him.

His bed was in shambles, it had probably not been made for the last two months. My letter was sitting on the night stand. Rei sat on his bed and shyly indicated for me to sit next to him. My heart was beating wildly as I sat next to him on his bed. The second I sat, Rei hugged me, put his head on my chest and cried. I was worried he might notice my heart beating like crazy. I stroked his hair, hugging him back. He almost seemed at ease. He looked up to me and gave me a weak smile, and I smiled back. I guess he was glad to have me around.

We lied down on his bed, under his covers. Rei was hugging me, laying his head on my chest. I felt at ease, lying with him felt natural, and right. I held him gladly, enjoying his presence as long as I could. Rei had calmed down, breathing slowly. "Are you sleeping?" I asked, whispering. He shook his head no against my chest. "Rei..." I wanted to say something, but I didn't know how. He looked up to me; he looked beautiful, within my embrace. "I read your letter." I finally said. "Can we talk?" He nodded slowly. "Rei... I'm scared." I did my best not to cry, because I don't cry. Rei buried his face in my chest, he seemed nervous. He had probably dreaded this conversation. I was looking straight at ceiling; it helped me say the things I had to say.

"Rei, do you think about suicide?" There, I said it. It was like a weight was lifted off my heart, but I was still weary. My voice cracked, as I started crying. Rei seemed almost paralyzed, staying perfectly still, not even breathing, and clenching my shirt within his hands.

And then, he started crying. I held him tightly. "...E-everyday..." Rei whispered. My heart skipped a beat when I heard his voice for the first time in two months. He sounded weak, dying, he didn't sound like Rei. I turned to lie on my side so I could look at him, straight in his eyes. I rubbed his cheek, not knowing what to say, muted by my own tears. "... Help me..." He whispered, as his crying picked up. "I will..." I said, as I cried also.

I held him as tightly as I could, I was scared I would crush him, but I couldn't help it. Rei held me as well, crying, screaming. "Don't leave me..." He said, between screams. "I won't, I promise." I answered, meaning every word.

I held him for hours, as he cried, like he did every night. I felt his pain, I wanted to share his pain, take some away from him. He was suffering as I had never seen anyone else suffer. I could only hold him as he screamed, having found his voice again. Eventually, his grip on me lessened, his cries died out slowly, as sleep finally claimed him. I stroked his hair and his sleeping face. I placed a careful kiss on his forehead. Hesitantly, my lips moved to his. I was like I had no control of myself. I kissed his lips, wet with tears. My heart was beating wildly as I tasted him for the first time.

It was like I was dreaming again. I had forgotten the conversation we had just had. I only saw Rei, lying in my arms, sleeping peacefully. I kissed him again, as if we were lovers. I held his sleeping frame to me and soon enough, sleep claimed me as well.

Sorry for the wait, guys. Thanks for your patience.

Stay tuned, I promise the next chapter won't take months to write!

(Please review :3)


	8. Compassion

Hello again! Aren't you glad I didn't wait months to update?

Still don't own. Enjoy!

Compassion

When morning came, I was pleasantly surprised. Rei was sleeping peacefully in my arms. I brushed his hair away from his face, so I could look at him. I smiled to myself and then remembered what had happened. I almost cried again, but I also felt a new confidence. He wanted to change, then it would work. And I would be there the whole way.

He probably felt my hand touching his cheek, because Rei opened his eyes, yawned and stretched quietly. He looked at me with a blank look. I panicked and took my hands back, backing off from him, thinking I might be too close for comfort. "G-good morning." I said, hesitant. Rei smiled softly at me. "Good morning, Kai." He whispered. I blushed and smiled back, wholeheartedly. "How are you feeling?" I asked, hoping for a positive answer.

"I'm okay." He said. "... Thank you Kai." "What for?" "You probably didn't really want to share a bed with me, but it really made me feel better. Thank you." "...You're welcome." I only want to share a bed with him again.

He stood up slowly, and I did the same. "Are you hungry?" I asked. "Yeah, a little." "Let's go eat breakfast then." By now, the others must be in the dining room, eating breakfast as well. Rei seemed hesitant. "I... hum... okay..." He seemed to be getting nervous. His breathing sped up a bit, he was nervously running his hand in his hair, looking away.

_What will they think of me?_

_I don't want them to see me..._

Maybe he wasn't ready to join our team just yet. "I could just bring food here, if you want." I said, taking a step towards him, trying to reassure him. "But the others would love to see you, I'm sure."

Rei was getting emotional again. "They must hate me..." He whispered, trying to hold back his tears. "Hate you? Of course they don't hate you, they miss you like crazy." I dared to put my hand on his shoulder, but he looked away. "Tyson hates me..."

I sighed. "No, he doesn't hate you, Rei. He was just scared of what was happening to you and his reaction was to be a douche." Rei looked at me, with a hopeful look. "So, they don't hate me? Really?" "No, they don't. Everything will be fine, I promise." I stepped up to him and offered him a shy hug, not knowing what to expect. He walked into my arms and I held him.

We walked to the dining room and on the way there, Rei held my hand. He was shaking. When we walked into the dining room, our teammates, who were eating their breakfast, turned to us and stared at Rei with a shocked, yet hopeful look. Under their stares, Rei was scared and paralyzed. It reminded of the day before, when I had walked in with Tyson. But Rei had nothing to be ashamed or guilty about. I tugged Rei's hand and pulled him into the room. "Good morning, Rei." Max finally said, with a wide smile on his face. The others smiled too. "Are you hungry, Rei?" Hillary asked. "What would you like to eat?" "Sit here, Rei. There's a chair for you." Kenny said, pointing to one of the empty chairs.

Our friends all seemed so welcoming. Even Tyson, who was quiet for once, was smiling warmly. Rei calmed down and smiled back at his friends. We sat, next to each other. The rest of the team seemed ecstatic to have Rei back. "Do you want to eat?" I asked. Rei nodded shyly. "What would you like?" Hillary repeated. "Eggs? Toast? Fruits? I know! I'll make you some tea!" She ran off excitedly into the kitchen. "How are you feeling?" Kenny enquired. "Did you sleep well?"

Rei just nodded and gave him a small, sincere smile. Max was smiling dumbly at him. For a moment, I was worried all this attention would make Rei uncomfortable, but he seemed at ease enough.

A few moments later, Hillary came back with food for us, toast, cheese and some fruit. She also poured Rei a cup of tea she had made hastily, so it was probably not up to Rei's standards. He took it gladly however, he drank and ate his breakfast. For the first time in so long, we all ate together, the atmosphere was lively, happy, as it had been before.

The conversation was animated, and yet Rei was silent. I was worried he might be uncomfortable or something, but he seemed happy, smiling at his friends. Perhaps, his voice was only for me...

After breakfast, we decided to train. It seemed like for once everybody was looking forward to training. Rei sat in the living room, as everyone got ready. After I got changed, I walked into the living room to talk to him. "Are you going to train with us?" I asked. Rei was sitting on the couch, wrapped up in his blanket. "Oh... not really..." He answered. He still sounded weak. I understood, it was still too early for him. "Would you at least come out and keep us company?" Though I really wanted him to keep me company. "Okay..." Rei answered, with a weak smile.

When we were all ready, we walked out into the backyard. Rei walked out slowly, blinded by the sun, as he hadn't seen it in so long. As we started stretching out, Rei sat on the edge of the deck, hugging his knees to his chest, still covered in his blanket, despite the scorching heat.

We ran a few laps around the house. Every time we would pass by him, we would wave at Rei and he would wave back. It wasn't quite the same as before, but we were all glad to have him back.

After our laps, we did some push-ups, sit-ups and other exercises. I wasn't sure if Rei was looking at me, but his presence motivated me. I pushed myself even more than I usually do, trying to impress him.

Next, we played a few rounds of Beyblade. As our teammates played, I could see the nostalgia on Rei's face. Surely, he missed playing. After my friends played for a while, I decided to step in, playing against Tyson. When we launched our blades in the dish, Max, Hillary and Kenny walked to us and stood around, cheering us on. Tyson had always been my rival and I had a hard time beating him. His cocky attitude resurfaced a little as I struggled against him. I got irritated after a while.

"Go Kai!" I heard a whisper. I quickly turned around. I saw Rei cheering for me, wholeheartedly. I'm sure I blushed a bit, but he gave me new found determination. Ultimately, I got the upper hand and defeated Tyson. I hope I impressed Rei. Tyson seemed disappointed but he accepted defeat, he even shook my hand.

After our match, we took a break, as it was almost lunch time. We walked to the deck, where Rei was sitting. He stood up as we approached. Rei gave me a warm, proud smile and patted my shoulder, congratulating me. I smiled too, I was quite proud of myself.

We had lunch together, and spent the afternoon together, like in the good old days. We were all cheerful and hopeful, as if everything would be fine, everything was back to normal.

We cooked dinner together and Rei helped. He had not lost his touch. It was the best food I had eaten in a while. Rei even spoke during dinner, which shocked our teammates and made them ecstatic.

For the rest of the evening, our friends continuously tried to start conversations with Rei, though he would answer 1 or 2 word answers. Rei eventually got annoyed and hung around me, as I wasn't always pushing him to talk.

When it was time for bed, Max walked up to Rei, excited. "Rei? Will you be sleeping in the dojo with us tonight?" I had been wondering the same thing. Rei stared at Max for a moment, thinking. "Hum... Okay." "That's great!" Max cheered. "I'll go set up your futon for you."

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" I asked, concerned. "... I guess." He still seemed hesitant. "If you need anything, or you just want to talk, wake me up, okay?" Rei nodded and smiled at me.

We then went to the dojo, where the rest of our team was waiting. Max and Tyson were arguing over where Rei's futon should be, next to one or the other. When we walked in, they turned to Rei. "Who do you want to sleep next to?" They asked at the same time. Rei seemed almost scared by their enthusiasm at first, but then settled. "... Kai." He answered, turning to me, smiling. I probably blushed madly at that because Tyson gave me a weird look. Max turned around, whining a little, dragging Rei's futon next to mine.

We all went to bed. Everybody loudly wished Rei "goodnight". Rei and I were lying down so we were facing each other. He was looking at me, smiling. Even the rest of your group was in the room, to me it was like we were the only ones there. "Goodnight..." He whispered, just for me.

I looked at him as he fell asleep. I missed having him in my arms. I smiled to myself as I thought of the day we had had. I fell asleep also.

Later, I was awoken by a strange noise. I looked around, still half asleep, trying to figure out where the noise came from. I saw Rei, still lying next to me, heaving up and down, crying, buried in his blanket. I got up immediately, alarmed, and walked to him. I kneeled down next to his futon and placed my hand on his shoulder. He quickly turned around to look at me, his crying momentarily ceased. "What's wrong Rei?" I asked. His crying picked up again, as he wrapped his arms around me, almost causing me to fall on top of him. With one hand on the floor, I held myself up and with the other I hugged him back. He cried on my shoulder. "What happened?" I asked. "N-nightmare..." He managed to whisper between sobs. I looked at him, worried.

I then helped him up. I wanted to talk to him, but I didn't want to wake the others up. We walked to the living room. He was still clenching to me, holding me desperately. We sat on the couch and he almost instantly collapsed on my lap. It broke my heart to see him like this, but even after the day we had had, I knew this was still to be expected. I rubbed his back, trying to calm him down.

"...I'm sorry..." He whispered. "Don't apologize, it's okay." I answered. "Tell me what's wrong." Rei sobbed a few moments more. "What was your nightmare about?" "... Mom." His crying picked up. "It's okay, Rei." I said, not knowing what else to say. "No, it's not... It's my fault."

"How is it your fault?" I knew he was probably exaggerating; he was in a mood to blame himself for everything. "She called me before she left... She wanted to see me." He said, getting even more emotional. "I couldn't book a flight soon enough... And now, she's gone. She hates me because I abandoned her, I hate myself for abandoning her too." I stared helplessly at the small frame crying on my lap. Rei had just told me what had haunted him for the past two months. I also wanted to cry, but I had to be strong.

"Rei, it's not your fault. I know you are an exemplary son. You did everything for your mother and I know she was quite proud of you. She had problems that were beyond your control, Rei. It's not your fault." I tried to get my point across, but I knew he wouldn't have it. "She loves you and wants you to be happy." "No, it's my fault..." I continued rubbing his back. I knew there wasn't much more I could say, and I chose to stay silent as he vented his emotions.

I held on to him as much as I could. I never wanted to let him go.

He slowly fell asleep again. It seemed when I held him until he slept, his slumber was peaceful. Perhaps he felt safe in my embrace, perhaps I could save him. I smiled to myself. I was glad to offer him any comfort I could.

And then my reverie started again. I stroke his cheek and his hair, smiling down on him, dreaming he was my lover. But then, it caught up to me. He wasn't my lover; it was just a sweet dream. I almost started to cry, not for him, but for us, for me. Every minute I held him when he wasn't mine made my heart ache. I wanted him for myself so badly. I realized how selfish I was, how I wanted him for my own happiness, when I'm not what he needs, no matter how much I wish to be.

But there was no doubt anymore. As my heart pounded like crazy, I looked straight at him. "I love you, Rei..." I said, as I couldn't hold in my tears anymore. He said nothing, despite my fantasies.

I promised myself it was enough, to push my feelings aside until Rei gets better. I can't bring him what he needs in my love struck state, when I believe I'm all he needs. Right now he needs my undivided attention. I can't let my feelings get the best of me. I know what I have to do.

With my newfound determination and purpose, I watched over him as he slept, ready to protect him against any nightmare.

We're getting there. There are about 2 chapters left.

Thank you for reading and please review! Nice reviews make me happy :3


	9. Recovery

This is the second to last chapter, and yes, it is shorter... Next chapter will probably be pretty long though!

Don't own. Enjoy!

Recovery

The next morning, I woke up early, my neck sore from sleeping sitting on the couch. Rei was peacefully sleeping on my lap, loosely hugging my legs. I carefully raised him from my lap, stood up and lied him back down on a pillow. I covered him with a blanket so he would not be cold. I left, leaving Rei sleeping on the couch.

I went to see a psychiatrist, not too far from Tyson's place. Her office was clean and sterile, and she also seemed like a somewhat cold, but professional person. I told her about Rei's situation and the gravity of it. She told me to bring Rei to her as soon as possible, that he needed immediate help. I felt she gave me accusing looks, because I waited so long to come to her. I regretted waiting all this time, I had foolishly thought I could make Rei better. But I now know I can't.

I walked home, thinking about Rei, feeling a bit guilty. Up to now, I had not handled the situation as I should have. It had been foolish of me to assume Rei would just get better with our help, with my help. Still, when I thought of him, my heart ached.

When I got home, Rei was waiting for me, sitting on the couch with a sad look on his face, as if he was mad at me for leaving him for a couple of hours. He stood up when he saw me and hugged me, and I hesitantly hugged him back, not willing to get too close to him. He noticed the change. "Is everything okay, Kai?" He asked, worried. "Yes, I'm fine. What about you? Did you eat breakfast?" "No, not yet." "Go eat, we have somewhere to go."

I helped Hillary make breakfast for the team. Rei sat silently and the others noticed he seemed a bit sad. I put down a plate in front of him, sat next to him and we ate silently. After breakfast, he changed his clothes, wearing something other than pyjamas for the first time in two months. "Where are we going?" He finally asked, breaking the silence between us. "We're going to see a psychiatrist." I answered.

Instantly, Rei panicked. "A-a psychiatrist? I don't want to see a psychiatrist..." "You don't have a choice. You need to." I answered, with authority. "Kai..." Rei almost seemed intimidated by me. I felt bad for a moment, but it didn't matter, he needed this.

We walked quietly. Rei was nervous. He walked close to me, scared to be outside. He grabbed my arm and clung to me. I wanted nothing more than to hold him back, but I didn't, keeping my distance. "What's going to happen, Kai?" Rei asked, frightened. "You're going to talk to her. This is just your first meeting. Everything will be fine." "I'm scared..." "I know. It's okay, Rei." As we spoke, I looked straight ahead. I could tell he was looking at me, expecting more support, but I couldn't give it to him. It hurt too much...

We walked into the psychiatrist's office and Rei looked around nervously. We sat in the waiting room. Rei seemed incredibly anxious. I wanted to grab his hand and reassure him, but I controlled myself. He was still grabbing my arm. Soon enough, it was his turn. He asked me to go in with him, but I refused. I had no business there. I would only distract him. So he went in alone.

I stayed in the waiting room, wondering what was going on, wondering if he was okay. The psychiatrist seemed very competent, I have no doubt she will be helpful and make everything better, like I couldn't do.

An hour later, Rei walked back out. He seemed blank, yet calm. He had scheduled a few more appointments with the psychiatrist. As we walked back to Tyson's place, we were silent. He eventually started weeping and it broke my heart. "It's okay, Rei..." I said, still keeping my distance. He grabbed my hand, stopping me in my tracks and forced me into a hug, crying on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him and my heart ached. "It's okay..." I repeated, breaking away from his hold. We continued walking and Rei seemed disappointed, but this was for the better.

For the next few weeks, Rei went to see the psychiatrist every other day or so. I would always go with him, waiting patiently for him and walking back with him in silence. He would always tell me about his progress, about the things he told the psychiatrist, about what she told him. She spoke of depression, excessive guilt and post-traumatic stress. I couldn't quite understand what this meant, but it sounded serious.

Eventually, Rei was prescribed anti-depressants. It worried me to no end that Rei would be on medication but the psychiatrist assured me it was for the best, entrusting me with the meds and asking me to observe changes in Rei.

And Rei did get better. Our friends cheered him on, hugging him, telling him how much they loved and had missed him, but I couldn't do that. He started smiling again, interacting with us more; he seemed to have regained interest in things he used to love.

A few weeks into his treatment, Rei started training with us again. I did my best not to over work him, without going soft on him. He played Beyblade again and he had not lost his touch. He beat Max and Kenny a few times, which made him very happy. I couldn't bring myself to play against him, perhaps because I didn't want to lose against him, but I didn't want to beat him either.

He started cooking and doing chores again, and we helped him much more than we used to. It was difficult for us to keep on helping him, as we were tempted to go back to our old habits, to let Rei do everything, as he wouldn't complain. If the others slacked off, I would shake them up, reminding them with my usual coldness and harshness, to get off their lazy asses and help Rei. I would gladly help him out also, and he always smiled at me with a content look, thanking me silently.

I still kept my distance because I didn't want to interfere and because it hurt too much. Rei always clung to me, forced me into hugs, talked to me, tried to spend time with me. My reactions were mostly cold and distant. After a while, Rei stopped trying and hung around the others. I felt this was for the best.

Hillary confronted me about my attitude. Rei had asked her if I was mad at him. It hurt me to know he thought I disliked him again. She asked me why I was being so cold to him, getting very mad at me. Though I could perfectly justify my attitude in my head, I could not explain it to her, because really it made no sense. It was selfish and stupid but I couldn't stop.

Tyson, Max and Kenny also noticed the change, as I was distant to the rest of my friends as well. Initially, Tyson and Max also got mad at me, calling me names, yelling at me. But I didn't care. Soon enough the dynamic between us was back to what it was before Rei's mother died. They were all friendly with each other, and I was alone, in my corner. I didn't want to deal with any of them.

Rei looked much more like himself again. He had gained some weight and his usual healthy tan. I would quietly stare at him during our training, observing him, his energy, his beautiful skin, his soft hair. Whenever he would look back at me, I would turn away. Rei was as beautiful as I remembered.

Rei was sleeping better as well. His futon was still close to mine and at night, I would look at him. When he slept, Rei seemed at peace, he looked beautiful. His sleep was now undisturbed by nightmares. After all, he could sleep just fine without me... I still longed to hold him in my arms, like I did before. I wanted to feel him breathing peacefully against my chest. I wanted him to hold me, I missed his arms around me, even if he didn't embrace me as he would his lover.

I missed my reveries where he was mine. I hated reality as it was.

And every time I looked at him, every time he pulled me into a hug, it would hurt more than ever. He was so incredibly beautiful and alive. But he wasn't mine. I knew he would never be mine, he was too good, too nice, too beautiful for me.

I realized how he hadn't needed me after all. I did little and he got much better. He was Rei again, he was Rei without me, he didn't need me. He was happy.

I know, this was short... Stay tuned for the next and last chapter!

Please review!


	10. Confession

This is it folks.

Still don't own. Enjoy!

Confession

It had been almost three months since Rei had started seeing the psychiatrist. And everything was back to normal, absolutely everything, including my usual cold, distant behaviour. My friends stayed away from me, Tyson was becoming hostile again, only to me, but I couldn't care less. Rei spent less and less time with me, and that bothered me, but I knew that was entirely my fault. Whenever he did try to get close to me, I would push him off. I could never be what he needed, because I wanted to be so much more...

I had breakfast with Rei sometimes, before the others were awake. He would make me breakfast. Only then would I let go and start dreaming again. When he was spending at the stove, away from me, cooking for me, I would dare to imagine he was mine, imagine we were happy together. Then, he turned around and sat with me. The silence was awkward and I was hurt. He seemed hurt too but I wasn't sure why.

That morning, when the others came into the kitchen to have breakfast, prepared by Rei, Max and Tyson suggested we should have a party that night, for Rei and for the upcoming world championships. My friends all got excited, but I was indifferent, I didn't really want to get involved. When they asked for my opinion, I pushed the question away, ignoring it. "Geez, Kai..." Tyson whined. "What's up with you? Rei's okay, you should be happy."

I stayed silent, not willing to answer and not knowing what to answer. They all turned to me, wondering if I would answer or not, as they had done when Rei didn't speak and was asked a question. "It's okay, Kai..." Rei finally said, breaking the tension. "You're... you're probably a bit tired. I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun during the party!" He tried his best to smile at me. Rei was always so kind, trying to make everyone comfortable. I had missed his kindness.

For the rest of the day, my friends prepared for the party, buying candy, chips and drinks, looking for music to listen to, games to play and other things to do. I stayed out of the preparation, training alone, displeased that the others simply decided to skip training to prepare for the party.

I went for a long run to try clear my thoughts, but it did little. My troubles would simply not leave me. When I was back at Tyson's house, I trained some more, doing push-ups and sit-ups, practicing my launch and my aim. Suddenly, I noticed Rei was sitting on the porch. I wondered for how long he had been sitting there. When he noticed I saw him, he almost panicked. "S-sorry Kai..." He said. "I didn't mean to bother you..." "You're not bothering me." I answered, looking away from him. "Do you need a training partner?" He asked, shyly. "No. Go prepare your party." "O-okay... I was just wondering... if there was anything you would like to do tonight? Or anything you would like to eat?" "Not really." I answered, between two launches. "Alright... I'll leave you alone now... See you later..." Rei stood up from the porch and walked back into the house. He sounded very sad.

I felt like an idiot when I saw how sad he was. I couldn't quite understand why he was so sad, but it broke my heart to see him like that.

Around dinner time, Tyson ordered some pizzas for the party. I was surprised Rei had agreed to eating that, as I'm sure if he had had the choice, he would have chosen to eat something healthier. He probably agreed to eating pizza only to make the others happy which was very much like him.

When the food got here several minutes later, Max turned up the music very loud. Tyson had ordered 10 pizzas for the 6 of us, probably because he was going to eat at least 4 of them on his own. Immediately, Tyson started stuffing his face and so did Max. Rei, Kenny and Hillary ate calmly, enjoying a pleasant chat. I wasn't hungry.

For a few hours, my friends danced, chatted, laughed together. I stood against a wall, disinterested, almost bored. Tyson and Max had had a lot of candy, and they were getting a bit excited, jumping around the living room. They looked like idiots. The others, including Rei, were laughing with them, having fun. I wasn't amused at all and didn't really wish to look at them make fools of themselves anymore, so I walked out.

I went outside and sat on the back porch, looking at the moon. It was getting late. I was suddenly filled with a strong melancholy. I remembered Rei's laughing, happy face. He was incredibly beautiful. I knew I could never be the one to make him happy like that. I fought the urge to cry, because even if I was alone and no one would see me, Kai never cried.

I stayed alone, sitting on the back porch for an hour or so. As time went on, the music inside got louder, my friends got louder, I could hear their yells and their laughs. Suddenly, I heard the sliding door open behind me. I was paralyzed as I knew who it was. "There you are Kai, I was wondering where you had disappeared to." Rei said. "... I hope I'm not bothering you." I shook my head. He hesitantly sat next to me. "Why aren't you with the others enjoying yourself?" I asked, disinterested.

"It was getting a bit too loud for me..." He answered, looking straight at me. "Besides, I was a bit worried about you. Why did you leave?" "Too loud. And I wasn't having fun." I answered, stubbornly refusing to look back at him.

There was an awkward silence, much like when we ate breakfast together. I heard him start to cry next to me. I turned around and I saw he was sobbing silently. When he noticed I was looking at him, Rei turned to me also, his eyes were full of tears. "Sorry..." He whispered. "What's wrong?" I asked. "I should ask you the same..." "I'm fine." I quickly answered, though we both knew that was a lie.

"Why are you acting like this?" He asked. I remained silent. "Kai..." "I'm sorry, Rei." I finally said. "You were so nice to me a few months ago, why are you so cold now?" I didn't know what to say, what to answer, how to justify my behaviour. And yet Rei was eagerly expecting an answer.

"So... now that happy Rei is back, happy Kai leaves? Why?" Rei said, crying still. "Can't we just all be happy at the same time?"

"I need you, Kai," Rei continued. "It's still difficult, and I need your support." "You don't need me to be happy." I whispered, barely holding back my own tears. "What do you mean, I don't need you? Of course, I need you! I wouldn't have recovered if it wasn't for you, Kai." I listened to his words and took them it. "I know my doctor and our team were there for me... and I recovered... but had you been there for me, my recovery would have just been quicker and easier for me. The support you brought me was... special..."

"Special?" I asked, regaining hope. "Well... yes..." Rei seemed almost embarrassed. "When mother left, I was alone... She was my only close family... It made very sad to think that I was alone and then you... you were so patient with me, you held me in your arms and made me feel so safe... You even shared a bed with me and held me while I slept. I mean, I figured you wouldn't do something like that if I wasn't somewhat... special to you... I was hoping maybe... we could be... like family..."

My heart was beating wildly as I heard his words. I had no idea Rei felt that way about me. "And then, you... changed. You started rejecting me, you wouldn't hold me anymore and... it hurt..." His crying picked up.

As I looked at his beautiful crying face, I felt like the biggest jerk in the world. I didn't know I was hurting him like that. I had only been thinking of my own feelings, ignoring his... I grabbed his hand, which was lying next to mine, and squeezed it. Rei turned to me and noticed the tears flowing down my face and my shame. "Kai... What's wrong?" He insisted, as I had insisted a few months ago.

Rei offered me a hug and I took it, wrapping my arms around his warm body and holding him. It was like a weight was lifted off my heart, I had missed his warmth. "Tell me what's going on..." Rei asked. I calmed down within his embrace. "I'm sorry, Rei." "I forgive you, Kai." He said. "I want to know what's going on." I broke away from him. I didn't know how to explain it to him. Really, I did but I didn't want to, I didn't want to tell him how I felt about him. I was scared of his reaction, of my own feelings.

As I remained silent, Rei squeezed my hand like I had just squeezed his and offered me a sincere smile. His eyes were still full of tears. He was beautiful in the pale moon light. He gave me strength, he gave me courage. Maybe for once, my heart will speak.

"You are special to me, Rei." I said, light hearted.

"You're special to me too, Kai." Rei answered, smiling.

I lost control of my body, my feelings getting the best of me. My hand hesitantly made its way to Rei's cheek, to his soft face I had longed to feel. Rubbing his cheek, I stared straight into his eyes, with a new found confidence. His smile had faded, his lips were parted, he seemed serene. I pulled him to me slowly and I leaned forward. It was like a dream.

Our lips met and time stopped. He didn't pull away. I had missed the sweet taste of his lips.

We pulled away from our long, modest and sincere kiss. I looked into his eyes, excited to see his reaction, excited I had finally showed him. Rei seemed nervous, but he was smiling. We both chuckled nervously, as if we were realizing this was real, as if this had been evident, as if we both knew, and we did. It only needed to be voiced.

"I love you, Rei." I whispered, euphoric, happy. "I love you too, Kai." He answered, seemingly elated.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Rei." I said, stroking his cheek, barely holding back my tears of happiness. "I just... I felt I would never be good enough for you... that I could never make you as happy as you make me..." "Silly..." Rei said, smiling wholeheartedly, squeezing my hand. "Of course you're good enough... And you make me incredibly happy." We kissed again, I would never grow tired of this.

I lied on my futon, waiting patiently, my head in the clouds. Rei, my Rei, had left to wish the others, who were still partying, goodnight. I heard the dojo's door slide open and sat up, excited to see Rei. He stepped into the room, sliding the door behind him. He walked to my futon with a smile on his face, he seemed as excited as I was. He dragged his futon close to mine and lied on it, under his blankets. I opened my arms, welcoming him within my embrace. Our bodies came together perfectly on the futon, our legs intertwining, our arms wrapping around each other, as if they already knew how to embrace each other. Even in the dark, our lips found each other.

I kissed and touched him all I could, craving the taste of his lips, the feeling of his tongue against mine, the softness of his skin under my fingers. We drowned in our euphoria, in our folie à deux.

Slowly, sleep claimed us, our minds exhausted from the new feelings, our bodies worn out from the new sensations. I was holding Rei as he fell asleep, which I had missed to no end. I was lulled to sleep by images of his peaceful, sleeping face smudged against my chest. I felt content, finally at peace, knowing this was reality, and not just a sweet dream.

Oh my god, this scene had been stuck in my head since I started writing this story almost a year ago. Now it's out :3

Thank you guys for reading! A special thank you to Kinomiya who reviewed every chapter. You seriously rock!

I might just have it in me to write a little epilogue if at least a couple of you guys ask for it ;)

Leave me a nice review, I would appreciate it! :)


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